My thoughts on God, baseball and development

Mac vs. PC

2011-11-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

I am a PC fan and I am beginning to feel as I did when I was a University of Michigan fan living in Ohio. PCs (and their users) are ridiculed on commercials, in news stories, by random people on the internet, in some tech blogs, and even from the pulpit.

As a caveat, I have never purchased a Mac product but I was given an iPad by my work and I like it, but it is not without its flaws not the least of which is that its screen is glass and broke this past weekend for unknown reasons leaving shards of glass in my bed.

Anyway, there is a quote, attributed to Mohandas Ghandi, that I am going to paraphrase:

Apple: I like your Products, I do not like your Users. Your Users are so unlike your Products.

What I mean by this is that the products are elegant, graceful, blend into the scenery, make life easier, and are generally unobtrusive and well designed. Mac users are, in my general view, very proud of the fact they own an Apple product and view it not so much as an addendum to their life but as an extension of their personality. This is a gross generalization and I am aware of this but this is what Apple marketing has sold and what their users have, to a certain extent, bought into.

With that said, I have a very good friend who works at the Apple store and he is, bar none, the best ambassador for Apple on the face of the planet. He has never attacked my usage of PCs, he knows that I like a product because it does what I want it to do. He likes Apple for the same reason. What he wants to do, he can do with an Apple product. When I had frustrations with Apple products, he showed me ways to work around the limitations (and yes, there are limitations). I bashed his use of Apple a few times but his grace and love extended to me changed the way I viewed Apple products. He called me out and I respect him for it.

What I'm trying to say is this: If you like Apple, by all means, let people know how awesome the technology is. However, technological awesomeness is not a zero sum game. Technology is about making life easier, taking tasks that used to take months and finishing them in hours. The next time you hear someone bashing something, be it a piece of technology, political stances, sexual proclivities, taste in music, or etc remember: by invalidating the thing that they care about you are, in effect, invalidating a part of them. You will lose their respect and possibly their friendship.

Developer VORP

2011-03-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

There's a CIO in the Valley who is making waves around the internet with his article entitiled "Why we don’t hire .NET programmers" The community of software developers is split over this trolling. I see his logic, and here's why.

There is an excellent TED talk about the question of work life balance. In it the presenter makes what I believe to be a valid point: Even the best companies want us to work as much as possible for as little money as possible. A person is an investment, if you invest in someone, you're assuming the equation:

value of work produced > cost of keeping the person

Playing fantasy baseball, this was the only equation I looked at. Is their immediate value, or supposed value to me, worth what I'm "paying" for them with this roster spot. There's even an equation to help teams or fantasy players figure this out.

Now we get to the question at hand: Why is .NET on a resume an indicator that VC firms should not hire this person? Unlike most companies, VC firms need to produce results, fast. They can't rely on grooming developers, training and teaching them how to write good code or solve problems. They need these results as cheap as possible. Where can you get these results? From people who would, and do, write software for free. Basically from people who are just looking for a cool challenge and not a job, per se. VCs looking for people who's VORP is as high as possible. People who will do challenging work for much less than they are worth or for many more hours than they are paid for because it is challenging.

The .NET framework is a market value skill much like strikeouts or home runs are market value skills in baseball. There are enough .NET developers that the bad ones are easy to find and the good ones know what they're worth so they demand a higher salary. People without a market value skill cannot. The price value of a Ruby developer is not defined by the market...yet.

To prove my point, let's look at a very mature technology vs a relatively new one

C# Dev: Average $76,000
http://www.simplyhired.com/a/salary/search/q-c%23+developer
Rails Dev: Average $70,000
http://www.simplyhired.com/a/salary/search/q-rails+developer

One would assume that a Rails developer is worth more than a C# developer; however, this is not the case and the reason why is fairly self explanatory but I'll jump to football for this one. The Patriots have a receiver named Wes Welker. He's fast, pretty solid, but not what you'd call a stereotypical receiver. However, the Patriots went out and got him, figured out his talents and won with him. Now every time you watch a football game they talk about this guy being "like Wes Welker" meaning he fills a role much like Welker did for the Patriots. All of the sudden guys like Welker are demanding much more than they did a few years ago because the industry has recognized their value. The same is true of .NET developers.

So one reason VCs look for non-.NET developers because their skills are unvalued in the larger marketplace. The other reason is that non-.NET developers are more likely to be good.

There are a lot of really crappy .NET developers out there (and I think we can all agree on this). People who have faked their way into a technology scraping by on the skin of their teeth and the skill of their coworkers. Eliminating .NET developers eliminates these developers from the fray. Anything to get you closer to the ideal candidate for a VC: cheap and smart. So I can't fault the guy for wanting to eliminate candidates as fast as possible. If .NET is a culling mechanism, then by all means use it.

On the other side of that coin, there are developers who are willing to work long hours for low(ish) pay simply because they are working on cool stuff. They have no idea what their skills are actually worth. If they did, they would demand $200,000 or more. No VC in their right mind would pay two hundred grand for a developer. Maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe Expensify pays their developers $150 an hour with time and a half for overtime. But I doubt it, it's a good way to lose money. And why do that when you can find people who don't know how much they should be paid and just want to do cool stuff?

For Raeschell, Who Helped

2010-08-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

I was raised by English
My mother tongue was not so much
The language of my culture as it was
The aroma of the kitchen

My mom was not a chef
But she threw Wordsworth and WC Williams in a pot
And boiled them until only ee was left

My dad could not cook
But he layered Kant and ML King in a bowl
And mixed until Bonhoeffer emerged

I had Zora Neale for breakfast and Merton for lunch
Dinner was a solemn affair, Thomas and Kafka
But if I finished, I was allowed some Lewis from the fridge
With a sprinkle of Tolkien for good measure

It has been many years since then
Now my parents are old and tell me to be sure and get my Dostoevskies
But it is I who now feed them
And make sure they put down Roberts and take their Cornell before bed

Someday my children's children will ask what my parents were like
And I will read them Seuss
But the Lorax will never taste as good
As when my mom made it

From Wayne Watson To Wu-Tang Clan

2010-06-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

Music is a central part of my life and here is my history with music:

0-6 years old: I mostly listened to what my parents played with few exceptions. I knew of the Beach Boys and a few other bands of the 1960s but mostly listened to crappy Christian music. My favorite song was “One Day Jesus” by Wayne Watson which I believe started (or awoke) the part of me that still loves repetition building into a crescendo and simplicity flowing into complexity and vice versa.
Favorite song: One Day Jesus – Wayne Watson

6-8 years old: This is when I discovered (or was shown) classic rock. Listening to the radio with my dad, I used to play “name that tune” and do fairly well on late 60’s to late 70’s rock. This is the last phase when I mainly listened to what my parents listened to, with few exceptions. I got my first CD around this time (Credence Clearwater Revival’s Chronicle).
Favorite Song: Down On The Corner – Credence Clearwater Revival

9-11 years old: This was my introduction to pop music and hip hop by my friends. I still loved classic rock, but I began to listen to the radio a lot more. I don’t remember my favorite stations in New York, but I know I listened to the hip-hop station, the classic rock one, and the pop music one almost equally. This reliance on radio would be my downfall when we left NYC.
Favorite Song: Slam – Onyx

12-13 years old: I call these the dark ages. I moved to Mount Vernon which had no hip-hop station and my friends only liked pop music. I don’t even like to admit what I listened to, but it made me who I am today. I think all of us around 7th grade listen to just plain crappy music. Or at least that’s what I like to tell myself.
Favorite Song: We’re Havin’ A Party – Rod Stewart

14 years old: This is when I started to listen to awesome music. I began to listen to my cool friends as to what radio station to listen to. Cool friends meaning friends who I still consider cool today, not the kids who considered themselves cool. One friend in particular, Nick Savoia, gave me a CD that was to be the crux of my reading and would influence my life in profound ways and make me the man I am today: Rage Against the Machine’s self-titled album. It was like flipping a switch. I had gradually been exposed to more hard rock but I consider the day in industrial tech when Jimmy Epley and I created a radio station and played Rage Against the Machine for the first time, a turning point in my life. I was fully on my own and listening to some of the best music I had ever gotten my hands on. Whereas NYC had exposed me to hip-hop and rap on a surface level, I was now listening to the most socially conscious lyrics I had ever heard. I devoured Rage, NWA, Public Enemy, Wu Tang Clan, and The Beastie Boys. These were all groups I had listened to before, but now I was listening to what they were saying. My musical horizons were expanded by alternative rock which had eluded me up until now. I became a communist and attempted to read every book that was on the RATM recommended reading list (which, I’m pretty sure, put me on the watch list with the Public Library).
Favorite Song: Know Your Enemy – Rage Against The Machine

15 years old: Rage Against The Machine’s new album (Evil Empire) came into my possession and I was further inundated with communism. I had effectively abandoned Christianity in most of its forms due to its apparent lack of social consciousness. Wrestling in high school was a new challenge as some of the seniors liked to listen to Garth Brooks at practice. This would start a brief, and yet torrid, love affair with country music a few years later. For now, I was beginning to listen to music in two realms: to pump myself up and to think. Rage was still at the thinking forefront, and would remain so for a few more years; however, I discovered what I like to call “work out rock” even though my dad hated it which was necessary to get through wrestling practice.
Favorite Song: Thunderstruck – AC/DC

16 years old: I had discussed my faith with my girlfriend and started going back to church with more intentionality. The result of this was listening to DC Talk’s Jesus Freak over and over and also going back through my other music looking for Christian themes in order to see if Christianity was actually socially conscious. This led to a few logical leaps, including believing that Metallica’s “The God That Failed” was a Christian song. Needless to say I was at a crossroads yet again. I had realized that my faith was integral to my existence yet I could not reconcile it with my beliefs in social justice. Rage Against The Machine put out a new album and I got my hands on it. After Evil Empire, I was pretty much sure it couldn’t get better. I was wrong. The Battle of Los Angeles took work out rock to the nth degree and was responsible for my constructive anger during wrestling season.
Favorite Song: War Within A Breath - Rage Against The Machine

17 years old: My girlfriend and I broke up and my faith was there to back me up. It was not a pretty breakup and a song that I had always loved gained new meaning as I attempted to get over my first real heartbreak. “Amazing Grace” was a beautiful reminder of all that was good. There was much sadness and much joy in this time. I discovered Christian hip-hop including John Reuben and the Ill Harmonics, two white groups that talked about the difficulties of being a punk kid from the suburbs (country in my case) who care about cities and the issues of social justice while being seen as an outsider. As I continued to delve deeper into Christian hip-hop I found that the same things I had heard in Grandmaster Flash and Rage Against The Machine were being talked about in a redemptive manner as opposed to a defeatist or angry. This was counter intuitive to me and would take me a few years to fully reconcile (about 7 years, actually) Christianity and social justice.
Favorite Song: Amazing Grace – Mahalia Jackson (the best rendition ever)

18 years old: After the musical rollercoaster that was my 17th year, my 18th year was all about fun. I fully embraced my status as a hick and listened to country for the first time without cringing. The year was all about hope, hope for college, hope in the new relationship I had, and a burgeoning friendship with a kid that I would walk with down the path of Christianity. I also to a lot of Country oldies (Loretta Lynn, Roger Miller, Johnny Cash, etc) and this was just a happy year in general.
Favorite Song: It’s A Great Day To Be Alive – Travis Tritt

19 years old: My freshman year of college started off isolated and listening to some DMX and german folk music (the latter not by choice.) One day, I was walking down the hall and I heard an awesome song. I asked the kid what it was and he replied “O.A.R.” a band that I loved then and still brings me happy feelings. After the first quarter, life got a bit better and I started talking to a friend (now my wife) and sending lyrics back and forth. OAR featured prominently in these lyrics as did some of the old classic rock standards. I also had full access to file sharing and started a music collection that would continue to grow until I left college. My neighbor introduced me to some of the more current hip hop including UGK, Styles, Big Tymers, and Jurassic 5. This was also the year of the Travis’s: Randy Travis and Travis Tritt. This was to be the last year of country.
Favorite Song: Ran Away To The Top Of The World Today – O.A.R.

20 years old: I was officially dating my wife and the sappiness of my favorite song this year is a direct indicator of how our relationship was going. I didn’t discover much new music as most of my time was spent with my girlfriend or driving back and forth between school and home to see her. I joined a Christian service fraternity and they introduced me to Christian hard rock like Pillar and TFK which, for Christian music, wasn’t half bad. But my girlfriend and expanding my collection of music kept me listening to older music as opposed to discovering new bands on my own.
Favorite Song: Heaven - DJ Sammy

21 years old: This was a year of what I like to call “back fill.” There were a lot of bands that I liked who were classic rock artists, but it was mostly limited to Zeppelin, The Who, Rolling Stones, and the other giants of classic rock. This was the year that I discovered the roots and the fringes of rock: The Kinks, The Clash, MC5, The Ramones, Captain Beefheart, and The Velvet Underground come to mind. There were a lot of “oh, so that’s who sings that song” moments. I also started getting into jazz with Miles Davis, Sonny Rollins, John Coltrane and, my personal favorite, Thelonious Monk. My friends were also exposing me to more indie music with Guster, The Clarks, Jeff Buckley, Sonic Youth, Sufjan Stevens, and the Pixies.
Favorite Song: Oh Sweet Nuthin - The Velvet Underground

22 years old: This was a year of expanding artists and genres I was already very familiar with (Talib Kweli, Grits, KJ-52, Silverchair, and Blues Traveller) and learning the 1950’s-60’s pop rock and 1980’s pop. These two areas were the strong suit of my girlfriend and the weakest section of my knowledge. I despised, and still despise, most 80’s pop; however, bubble gum rock was perfect for my senior year especially as I drove back and forth to and from my girlfriend.
Favorite Song: 25 Miles - Edwin Starr

23 years old: We moved to Chicago and most of my musical genres had been filled in. I got a phone that could play music and was my MP3 player. From that point until now, I have just filled in some fringe bands (Buckethead, Flobots, etc) as people let me know about them. Here are the favorite songs by year for me:
23: What Angry Blue? - Seven Mary Three
24: Add It Up - Violent Femmes
25: What I’ve Done – Linkin Park
26: Sound the Horns - Wu Tang Clan and Lateralus – Tool

Favorite Songs Recap:
One Day Jesus – Wayne Watson
Down On The Corner – Credence Clearwater Revival
Slam – Onyx
We’re Havin’ A Party – Rod Stewart
Know Your Enemy – Rage Against The Machine
Thunderstruck – AC/DC
War Within A Breath - Rage Against The Machine
Amazing Grace – Mahalia Jackson (the best rendition ever)
It’s A Great Day To Be Alive – Travis Tritt
Ran Away To The Top Of The World Today – O.A.R.
Heaven - DJ Sammy
Oh Sweet Nuthin - The Velvet Underground
25 Miles - Edwin Starr
What Angry Blue? - Seven Mary Three
Add It Up - Violent Femmes
What I’ve Done – Linkin Park
Sound the Horns - Wu Tang Clan
Lateralus – Tool

Heroes

2010-06-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Memorial Day. A day to memorialize those who have died defending our country. While I wholeheartedly support those who have died defending the USA, I will not automatically group all military personnel into the category of "hero." A hero is "somebody who commits an act of remarkable bravery or who has shown an admirable quality such as great courage or strength of character." I will freely admit that the military has heroes, men and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice showing remarkable courage and strength of character. However, I know some people who are in the military and I think their general idea would be closer to Cake's interpretation than the military heroes interpretation:

Red flowers bursting down below us.
Those people didn't even know us.
We didn't know if we would live or die.
We didn't know if it was wrong or right.
I bombed Korea every night.
And so I sit here at this bar.
I'm not a hero.
I'm not a movie star.
I've got my beer.
I've got my stories to tell,
But they won't tell you what it's like in hell.

War is not fun. There is nothing heroic about watching your friends die and wondering if you'll be next. There is nothing heroic about getting to the point where all you can think about, all you can take care of, is the people next to you. If you ask someone who was in a war about it odds are they don't want to talk about it. The real soldiers, the real heroes, go and do their job not for God and country but for the people fighting next to them.

Christ talked about these types of heroes when he said "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." The US Government even recognizes a special class of people, recipients of the Medal of Honor. You want to read about heroes? Read about the people who have won the Medal of Honor. http://www.history.army.mil/moh.html

I am not diminishing the sacrifice of the men and women who die in combat or who serve. That, to me, is the call of duty. Heroes go above and beyond the call of duty. What is your call of duty and how can you go above and beyond it?

PS3 Trophy Card....Just for Remembering

2010-03-11T08:13:00.001-08:00

Pastors as Friends

2010-01-22T11:51:00.001-08:00

One of the pastors at the church I attend posed the following question: "Heard in class today about the pastoral role: "People need a pastor MORE than they need a friend." Agree or disagree?"

Full disclosure: my dad was a pastor so my perspective may be skewed.

My answer is that I agree. We have an awesome group of pastors at New Community, men and women I would be proud to call friends in the truest sense of the word. I have had meetings with all the members of the pastoral staff and they know my name and I know theirs. They know a few things about me and I know a few things about them. I pray for them and they may or may not pray for me. Either way, I would not consider them friends in the way I consider others to be friends and I want it to stay that way. Why?

A pastor's role is to shepherd an entire mass of people all with their own issues, hang ups, agendas, strengths, weaknesses, and complications into a deeper relationship with a God that you can't actually see. Christians are living under what is either the craziest paradox ever or the most corporate delusion ever. I have put my hope and faith in the fact that it's a paradox.

You have this group of people who are trying to fathom something that is unfathomable and you're trying to get them pointed in the right direction. Maybe shepherd gives us too much credit; pastors are cat herders. So anyway, the pastor is running around doing all that is in his or her God given ability to accomplish the impossible.

As a member of a church, the best thing that I can do for a pastor is believe and trust them and stay in the middle of the pack. Maybe try and grab a few cats on the way so the pastor's job isn't as impossible. Those people that I'm trying to keep going in a God driven direction are also trying to keep me going the same way. The result is a tiny group (at NC3 we call them Community Groups) of Christians struggling in the trenches. Then on Sunday, we get together and our tiny groups are given direction by a pastor.

When the question comes up, do I want a pastor or a friend, the answer is obvious. To me, a pastor is someone who brings messages from God. They have a job that I do not want to do (and will not do unless God himself tells me otherwise...preferably through email) partly because of this responsibility and the difficulties of keeping congregants facing the right direction while staying semi-isolated. When I leave church on Sundays, my wife and I talk about the message, not the pastor, and I want it to stay that way.

Being White on MLK Jr Day

2010-01-18T11:34:00.000-08:00

I'm white, if you've met me once, it's fairly easy to tell that I have a distinct lack of melanin. There are spots of melanin, but they don't connect. Anyway, today is an interesting day on which we are supposed to take time to reflect on Dr King and what he accomplished. I have read the biographies, heard the speeches, read the books, been to the museums, and have done my best to understand the issues that plagued our country from its inception.

The question is not one of knowledge or of understanding or even of commiserating. The best way to describe the issue would be to draw a parallel. I have been to Mass multiple times and I understand its beauty. I understand the concepts of Mary, the Pope, confession, transubstantiation, genuflection, and etc. However, I do not understand it in its context. I know the history of the Catholic church and I can enter into its world, but there will always be a disconnect as there are things about being Catholic that I cannot understand unless I convert to Catholicism. I will never be the part of a parish or part of the mundane things that become extraordinary or truly understand why specific things are immensely important while others fall by the wayside.

The same applies to MLK Day. I understand the concepts of slavery, apartheid, oppression, Jim Crow, nonviolent resistance, reconstruction, Bull Connor, Black Panthers, SCLC, and etc. I did not, however, live in the 1960s and I'm not black. As a result, there will always be things that I do not understand, why seemingly mundane things become extraordinary and why specific things are immensely important while others fall by the wayside.

Some day, when Jesus comes back, I will be perfectly able to commiserate, understand, love, and rejoice with all people every day. That, to me, is the true message of MLK Day. There are things about each other we cannot understand fully but we need to walk into each others lives and do the best we can to understand but to realize and admit that it will always be imperfect. The beauty of humanity says that we are different but that it is because through those differences that the love of Christ can be shown to a world that says "we need to celebrate MLK Jr and the things he stood for one day a year."

OSU vs Michigan

2009-11-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

This is OSU Michigan week which always brings out the best, and the worst, in college football fans. Presented here, in a semi timeline is my torrid love affair with the Big 10, college football, and the University of Michigan which ended four years ago this week.

1983 - I was born in Toledo, Ohio. I don't remember watching any games.
1986 - We moved to Kansas. I have piecemeal memories of KS, most of which involve sports, none of which involve college football. Jayhawks, Bo Jackson, and Dan Quisenberry were the people I remember.
1989-1995 - We moved to NYC. In NYC it all began. My dad taught me a love of college football, the Big 10 specifically. I had a Buckeyes sweatshirt and a Wolverines sweatshirt. I thought multiple times that Brutus (pictured on my chest) looked like he would attack me. The maize and blue wolverine, more deadly than a nut, looked like it would attack my enemies. Regardless, I cheered for OSU and Michigan throughout all 6 years in NYC never knowing there was a rivalry. I just liked Michigan better.
1991 - Desmond Howard won the Heisman Trophy. I think I struck the Heisman pose about 50 times within the next year. I also learned of the amazing broadcaster, Keith Jackson.
1993 - Charlie Ward, for a reason I cannot remember, captured my imagination. I still sometimes think fondly of the Seminoles, Bobby Bowden, and Charlie Ward.
1994 - I learned the agony of defeat as Kordell Stewart threw a hail mary to beat the Wolverines. I cried, and was sad throughout the rest of the week.
1995 - We moved to Ohio.
1995 - I cheered for Eddie George until the OSU Michigan game. I was in Cincinnati with my relatives and my cousins kept talking about how Michigan was going to lose. I didn't understand the hostility and felt that justice, in the name of Tim Biakabutuka, was served.
1995 - My grandfather, the best Ohio State fan that I have ever known, died.
1997 - I watched the OSU Michigan game in my house with my uncle and my dad. Charles Woodson returned a punt for a touchdown. I struck the Desmond Howard heisman pose and jumped around the living room. My uncle grabbed me and said "All year long we cheer for OSU together and are happy. Then, this one day, you cheer for Michigan. I'm sick of it. Pick one or the other." I picked Michigan. He left, and for the next few years, we did not watch an OSU Michigan game together.
2001 - My two uncles, my dad, and some other people gathered to watch the Buckeyes play the Hurricanes for the National Championship. There was an empty chair, with my grandpa’s OSU gear set up on it. A memento of bowl games gone by, when the Noonen men would gather to watch football, for love of the game.
2005 - I was in my room, watching Michigan lose to Notre Dame. My friend, a 6’3 230 pound ex football player, ridiculed me through the entire game. We then watched Texas beat Ohio State, with me ridiculing him. This was, and is, one of the most Godly men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. For the 30 minutes after the Texas victory, we were at war. We started by almost breaking the futon. Then we moved to the common room, moved all the furniture, and had a wrestling match. This was not uncommon, but the violence with which we threw each other on the hardwood floor, made both of us realize it was not for fun. We both ended up bruised and covered in floor burns. I don’t remember who won, the real message was we both lost.

After that, I talked to Kimmy. We had a long discussion after which I decided that I loved my brothers in Christ more than I loved the Michigan Wolverines. It still makes me happy to see them win, but it does not adversely affect my relationships or my demeanor. Kids that were in 5th grade when I graduated High School will be playing in this game. I will still cheer for the Wolverines and will most likely watch the game.

As an aside, praise God that I can once again be in a place where I'm not a pariah for liking a football team. There are way more important things to be passionate about than some kids playing a game on a Saturday.

Registry Edit

2009-10-28T10:14:00.001-07:00

Windows search will automatically search for text in specific files which is very awesome. To see what I'm talking about open a folder, create a .txt file, open and edit the .txt to say "Shoobie". Then save and close. Then in the folder search box, type "Shoobie." Your file should show up.

Anyway, I needed to search .log files which are really .txt files with a different extension (same encoding and editable in Notepad (or Notepad++)) Some quick searching turned this up:

To use the text filter provider for .zzz files, the following registry setting should exist:

HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\.zzz\PersistentHandler\(Default) = {5e941d80-bf96-11cd-b579-08002b30bfeb}

After you add this value to the registry, you must log off and then log back on to make the change take effect.

If you've never edited the registry, here's how to do it:
http://antivirus.about.com/cs/tutorials/ht/regmod.htm

And keep this in mind: When your computer does something, it does it for a reason. If you want to change what it does, search around. You can mess with just about everything. Worst case scenario, everything blows up and you get to start over after formatting your hard drive.

Colonialization and Christianization

2009-09-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

I read a disturbing quote today and it was this:

"Through the language of art, Christian artists can have a part in reclaiming our culture for Christ."

I believe that there is a fundamental flaw in that statement, well more than one, but it is not only theologically inaccurate, it points to the crux of why the culture at large has abandoned Christianity. Culture is not something to be claimed.

A brief history lesson (for those of who that slept through American History, or only read the version of history where Indians meant Squanto, Pocahontas and Little Big Horn)
1) The first Europeans who came to America claimed the Americas for King (or Queen) and country.
2) They established their own ways of doing things, decided that all they needed was instant riches, and mostly died.
3) The indigenous peoples met them with hostility and anger and the only reason the colonists were able to establish a stronghold was because they brought with them diseases that the natives had never encountered.
4) The seeming technological advantages were worthless. A gun in the 1600s was about as accurate as a Tim Wakefield knuckle ball when the wind is swirling.
5) The colonists would have died without continuous support from Europe and stealing practices from the natives. I'm not talking only about North American history, the entire colonization of America had the same basic story.

Intense parallels can be drawn to the reclamation of culture by Christianity.
1) We claim culture for God and country (interchangeable in some circles) or claim the country for God.
2) We established our own ways of doing things, decided that all we needed was conversion and power, and mostly failed.
3) The culture meets us with hostility and anger and we have no strongholds, only isolation.
4) The seemingly intellectual arguments with which we attack culture are worthless and do not stand up to scrutiny by children, let alone adults. The arguments that we make that do merit some success are the ones that only a sociopath would argue against.
5) Christian artists would die without continuous support of Christians and stealing practices from established artists. I'm thinking of you, Plus One. Not that the Backstreet Boys should have ever been emulated, by anyone, in any culture.

In order to influence culture, we need to be missionaries into culture. We need to enter into it, engage it in a critical manner, and create our own counterculture. Not counterculture in the sense of something in direct opposition to the current frame of mind, but counterculture in the way we see the world. Culture as a communal manifestation of the Kingdom of God.

In order to do this, we, as Christians, need to show the world that Christian culture is better than the current culture. Not better in the sense that we are right and they are wrong, but better in the sense that their version of culture is incomplete. That it is possible to have your artistic cake, eat it, and never be hungry. I cannot wait for a world in which every song is fulfilling, every artistic endeavor is successful, and every blog post goes Double Myrrh.

Que Honda Raconteur

2009-09-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

I've sold out to pop culture. I rediscovered Guero by Beck because of Rock Band 2 and found The Raconteurs because of "It Might Get Loud." Interesting side note: Compared to Jack White and Jimmy Page, The Edge (from U2) sucks at guitar. In fact, I think Vire is better than The Edge at guitar.

I have also found that mixing myself with highly emotional people is a recipe for disaster. Apparently, my detached logical conclusions are the relational equivalent of potassium. Perfectly fine when left alone (or as part of banana) but when thrown into water, bad things happen. The only issue here is that my other half seems to attract emotional people as well as she attracts attention.

In other news, plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose. I work, a lot. I keep getting to the point where I'm doing my job well and people who apparently know me better than I do, remove me from a position of expertise and put me into a position where I'm way over my head. Sink or swim indeed. Thankfully, I'm not the only person here who is in the deep end.

Also, The Emerald Loop is good, open late, and very hard to find late at night when food and beer are needed. For future reference, it's on Wabash, which is east of State.

The Simple Man: Tom Joad

2009-03-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?
Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.
Boy, dont you worry... you'll find yourself
Follow you heart and nothing else
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

I think my mom has been the single most important influence in my growth as a human being. My dad taught me how to throw a baseball, how to intelligently dissect my faith, and that good preaching does exist. Most of what I learned from my dad I learned outside of the house.

What I learned from my mom is how to take the ideas of my dad and put them into practice. My mom never allowed me to be content with being pretty good, she was always pushing me, in a loving way, towards a further perfection. I don't think she ever read or sang the Skynrd lyrics above, but I can remember many times hearing the underlying message: "Life sucks, a lot, but when it sucks, turn to God and to those around you for support. These are just momentary problems." I ignored the "and those around you" once and those around me paid the price. Then I learned of the unconditional love of the awesome women God put into my life.

I live a long way away from my mom now. I don't call as much as I should, not to the point of "Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon" but enough to where I feel bad sometimes. Today is not one of those days. Today is one of those days when I remember how far God has taken me in my lifetime and where I would be without the love and support of my family.

I don't feel as if I should move back to Ohio, for a long time. God called us to the city.

Now Tom said "Mom, wherever there's a cop beatin' a guy
Wherever a hungry newborn baby cries
Where there's a fight 'gainst the blood and hatred in the air
Look for me Mom I'll be there
Wherever there's somebody fightin' for a place to stand
Or decent job or a helpin' hand
Wherever somebody's strugglin' to be free
Look in their eyes Mom you'll see me."

I miss my family sometimes but when I remember The Ghost of Tom Joad, I realize that they are not very far away. My calling is to the beaten criminals, the hungry babies, the creation of decent jobs, and the eventual Shalom of Chicago and the world. When I look into the eyes of my friend Ed the homeless man I am closer to my parents than if I lived across the street from them in Mount Vernon.

Moo Lah

2009-01-29T08:38:00.000-08:00

Flip this capital eclipse
Tha vocal tone has got 'em sweatin' their own apocalypse
Yes, rebel of tha grains stand masterless
Tha masked ones cap one
NAFTA comin' with tha new disaster
And yes we in wit tha wind an tha plan de Ayala kin
Are comin' back around again
Tha slave driver saliva, one night power turns
Them devils mouths dry, now Mexico burns
So here they come one by one them killers of the new frontier
Occupy, causin' fear, come on
Wit the wind below

Flip this capital eclipse
They bury life wit IMF shifts, and poison lips
Yo they talk it, while slicin' our veins yo so mark it
From the FINCAS overseers, to them vultures playin' markets
She ain't got nothin' but weapon and shawl
She is Chol, Tzotzil, Tojolobal, Tzeltal
The tools are her tools, Ejidos and ovaries
She once suffocated, now through a barrel she breathes
She is the wind below

And all the shareholders gonna flex, and try ta annex the truth
While the new trust is gonna flex, and cast their image in you
Yeah all the shareholders gonna flex, and try ta annex the truth
And while the new trust tries ta flex, and cast their image in you
And GE is gonna flex and try and annex the truth
And NBC is gonna flex and cast their image in you
And Disney bought the fantasies and piles of eyes
And ABC's new thrill rides of trials and lies
And while the gut eaters strain to pull the mud from their mouths
They force our ears to go deaf to the screams in the south

- Rage Against the Machine "The Wind Below"

I am sick of the media and all the freaking out about money. We, as a country (myself included), didn't give a damn about the rest of the world or do anything about it when our policies of NAFTA, IMF, WTO, etc raped the third world. Now we are beginning to see how the global south suffered. But our suffering does not compare to theirs. Sixteen percent unemployment may be a recession, but our infrastructure is not collapsing, our children are not starving, our government has not been overthrown by a foreign puppet dictator, and the basis of our economy has not been ravaged by international policy.

I am not saying that they have a worse life than we do, what I am saying is that we as a body of believers ignored God's calling to "act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8) I am not a global policy influencer, I am not rich, I am not a leader. What I am is a man, created in the image of God, who believes that this world is worth saving.

I am sick of the complaining because I believe that we, as Christians, have it in our heads that God owes us. God doesn't owe me anything. He gave me the only gift that matters: Grace. Everything else is just details. Look at Job. He lost everything except his relationship with the Creator God. He finally realized that it was enough. I wish the story had ended there. It doesn't matter that he got everything back twofold. I am not storing up treasures in Heaven, my treasure is the consistent and unfailing love of the God that created me.

That is not to say I do not enjoy or appreciate the extraneous gifts He has given me. I like them, a lot; but they are extraneous. The challenge for me is to continue to see everything outside of Grace as an enjoyable but unecessary experience and to share that enjoyable experience with the world around me.

Me, abstracted

2008-11-19T09:50:00.000-08:00

Reply with thoughts, if you have any :)

Source: http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

Primary Axis: Introverted Thinking - Extraverted Intuition

The INTP is above all a thinker and his inner (private) world is a place governed by a strong sense of logical structure. Every experience is to be rigorously analysed, the task of the INTP's mind is to fit each encountered idea or experience into a larger structure defined by logic. For here is the central goal of the INTP: to understand and seek truth. The experience of anything takes a back seat. The INTP is not interested in experiences themselves but is far more fascinated by concepts. The drive to understand things that are not yet understood is a very powerful force in the life of an INTP. Where the Ti preference is strong, this drive can override the experiential element so strongly that the INTP will become quickly bored with anything that he has successfully analysed to the point of understanding it. Once understood, it has nothing left to offer, once the satisfaction which comes with achieving the goal of understanding diminishes. Indeed, most primary interests of an INTP are things which he cannot fully understand, usually because they are highly complex or have some exotic, mystical element that does not yield to analysis. This is the real reason why INTPs are drawn to complexity: anything simple is too quickly understood and cannot hold the fascination for long. Similarly, proficiency in any area (which requires continual practice after understanding) is not such a driving force as it might be for NTJs, for example. While a judging NT will often seek to become master of his field, an INTP is satisfied by analysing it alone. The latter is often more of dabbler with ideas which leads me on to his second crucial aspect: detachment.

The Ti-Ne axis leads to a curious overriding desire to observe from a detached position, indicating the preference for intuitive perception with respect to external things. Since accurate analysis needs to avoid becoming hampered with details or being influenced by the actions of others, the INTP invariably seeks to withdraw, at least in spirit, from the situation being considered. This detachment can sometimes be so marked that he will readily see himself as a neutral observer having no personal association with that going on around him (unless forced to become directly involved through an attack on his principles). The INTP enjoys speculating about how a news item (for example) might be received by other people or how a point of view might offend certain types of people and be supported by yet other types; but to have a point of view of his own rarely seems relevant! This also indicates that Feeling is his least developed function. The argument may even be made that "points of view" and "opinions" are irrelevant since only objective truth counts. In reality, INTPs can often become far less objective than they think they ought to be: precisely at those times when the under-developed Feeling gnaws at his being.

Dominant Function: Introverted Thinking

Now looking specifically at first the Ti, the principle of detachment even encompasses how an INTP views himself. He may analyse his own thought processes as if his mind and body were separate from his conscious self. In wanting to understand his reactions to things, he may treat himself, even his own thoughts, as subjects for experiment. At the extreme end of the scale, where Ti is very dominant, the ultimate goal of understanding the world with total clarity must be achieved through total detachment from everything. Fortunately, Ti never dominates over the other 3 preferences to such an extent that such an unhealthy state is reached.

Where detachment ceases is when someone makes an illogical statement or violates one of the INTPs principles. At such a point, the INTP feels the instant drive to provide for clarity. This is his Mission; to be the provider of clarity, and is often suspicious that he is the only person capable of this task. Here, the INTP risks being seen as over-critical, aloof and arrogant. On the whole, however, real arrogance is rare for INTPs for their desire is not to dominate others but simply to observe, analyse and clarify. Once the point has been clarified, the INTP withdraws quickly, for he prefers not to be in the limelight unless absolutely necessary. Hence, for most of the time, INTPs are easy-going and will fit in to others' needs, taking up the role of observer again.

While proficiency may not be a central goal, competence always is. The difference here may be subtle, but it is important. If an INTP decides to learn a skill, then it is very important for him that he reaches a sufficient level so that basic errors can be avoided. Errors made by others are to be expected and can be criticised. But errors made by oneself attack the very root of the person, which is ultimately about rationality, logic and truth. INTPs hate to think of themselves being in any way inadequate, at least in areas that are important to them. So, as soon as he puts himself behind some task, then he must achieve competency. But that is as far as it goes. Refined competency requires too much effort and has little attraction. It would require practice and that usually bores an INTP. Hence, it is common to see INTPs dabbling at many things, achieving competency, just enough to prove to themselves that they could become more proficient if they wished, but rarely actually bothering to refine their skills further. This is a point at which we begin to get a feel for the workings of iNtuition backing up Thinking. The INTP has a whole set of skills which he knows that he would be proficient at, yet other people may know little of this. He is satisfied with the knowledge that he has these skills but often sees no requirement to demonstrate this to others, an indication of the strong Ti nature.

Related to this is the central aspect of independence. INTP's put great weight on being individuals and essentially different from other people, who they often view as being too alike and too interdependent. Independence touches on many aspects. One is the competency aspect above. When he is interested in something, then the INTP must be competent in it. But there are many things which don't interest him, and some of these will be things that others may be very competent in and where it may be assumed that everyone should be competent in them. The INTP usually applies the word "irrelevant" to such things: that is his excuse for any lack of competency in any field. And if he originally wished to achieve something, but failed, then it must be because was in fact irrelevant! The opinions of others are rarely given much weight in themselves. All opinions must get filtered through an analysis procedure to test for viability. No title or claim of being an "expert" carries any weight with an INTP. All people, big or small, are subject to an identical scrutiny. The INTP sees himself as the independent arbiter, whether a fair claim or not. However, when someone has proved his credentials through having sensible opinions, he will be afforded great respect by the INTP. Most respected of all are those who are not only sensible but also innovative. Intelligence is above all highly prized.

Independence, derived primarily from strongly introverted Thinking, leads to perhaps the most difficult aspect (for others) of the INTP, namely stubbornness. If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist. The reason for the resistance is simply that any action must first be filtered by the Ti, guided by the Ne. He must be given the chance to reach an independent decision, approving or rejecting the action. Hence, he must withdraw to allow the analysis process to work. If withdrawal is not allowed then stubborn resistance is the inevitable result. However, others may not always find the INTP excessively stubborn, since the decision-making process can sometimes be rapidly accelerated when intuition takes the upper hand. The best way to get an INTP to do something is to suggest the idea as an option and let him sleep on it. Ultimately, the INTP must always believe that it is his decision. Once he is satisfied that the decision was independently reached, then he is content.

A further result of the Ti function is the concept, lived out by many an INTP, that knowledge is everything. They tend to believe that information is the key to life. All mistakes can be avoided by having the right information at the right time. This has at least a certain logic about it. Where they differ from other temperaments (especially from SP types) is that a large gap may exist between knowing and doing. To know is everything, to do is a lower order necessity, if it is necessary at all. This breeds the potential for lazy aloofness. The INTP is often satisfied simply by knowing that he could do something if he wished. This also leads to the danger of overestimating one's capabilities and losing a grip on reality. Here is an aspect where INTP and ENTP types differ strongly. The latter, with dominant iNtuition, are much more driven by shaping the world according to their ideas, ie. thinking supports and subordinates doing. For the INTP, doing supports and subordinates thinking.

Finally, the dominant Ti function means that the INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously. Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particulary dislike people who exhibit them. Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them. The INTP's serious nature also makes them almost immune to mockery and being made fun of, at least when face to face with their mocker. If someone attempts to make a sarcastic, mocking comment about an interest of an INTP, the latter will defend himself with a pure, almost naive seriousness, explaining his position with a severe exactness, wielding his words like swords. This almost always disarms the mocker who does not expect such a penetrating defence. The INTPs defence usually also contains a subtle but biting attack thrown back in the mocker's face, chiefly because the INTP cannot entirely hide the fact that he believes his opponent to be stupid. Such confrontations might develop rapidly into physical ones, a danger that the INTP should be aware of. This ability to wield words with cutting precision is one of the INTP's greatest assests, but equally one of his most deadly traits. He is capable of using words creatively to penetrate deep into the understanding of a subject, but if not checked and wielded carelessly, his words can become highly destructive, especially where the Feeling function is heavily suppressed.

Secondary Function: Extraverted Intuition

Intuition is a mode of perception which focusses on the larger picture, the connections between objects, on the possibilities rather than the facts. When this is extraverted (Ne), the act of intuitive perception grapples with the world itself in order to understand it and its chief goal is to derive meaning. The INTP is sometimes referred to as the architect. The world is an object of study and possibilities for changing and shaping it according to the schemes assessed by the Ti core are derived from intuition. If his introversion is strong, however, then his schemes tend to remain private and speculative: the world remains an intellectual object of study but his architectural plans may not actually be put into practice. The constructor/inventor ENTP, on the other hand, with whom the Ne is dominant, aggressively grapples with and shapes the world, showing little reticence. The INTP is of the same spirit, but his constructive nature is likely to take shape within more private hobbies and less likely to directly involve others.

Where the extraversion of the iNtuition function becomes obvious is during discussions, especially heated ones. In contrast to INTJs, an INTP will often make controversial, speculative points of argument, often annoying the discussion-partner, and make them in such a way as to leave the impression that he is very serious about what he says. In reality, the INTP is not actually even certain himself whether he really stands by what he is saying, but his Ne strongly suggests that there must be a core of truth there. The purpose then of his outspoken style of argument is to sharpen his own intuitive understanding by testing the reaction of the listener, and indeed to examine the logic of his own arguments in real time while speaking them out. On occasion, INTPs may seem brash and tactless, but for themselves it is part of their way of getting closer to the truth. This is another aspect of the Ne grappling with the external world (in this case discussion with another) to understand it. The Ne provides the raw material for the Ti core to analyse. The INTJ, on the other hand, with Ni dominant and Te as secondary, tends to avoid letting uncertain speculative ideas out in the open: he presents a more considered structured viewpoint to the world while holding his private thoughts free for intuitive reasoning. The INTJ resembles a chess player, ruminating on the possibilites and then making decisive accurate moves. If the INTP played life as chess, he would keep wishing to modify the allowed-move-properties of his various pieces to optimise his strategy, find that that isn't allowed, and ask to start the game afresh! The ENTP chess player would indeed modify the rules to his advantage and complain that the standard rules were inadequate! The ENTJ would play by the standard rules but insist on making the moves for his opponent as well !

Extraverted iNtuition has a strong influence on how the INTP views his own interaction with others. It is the Ne above all that the INTP most loves to show others. He is therefore happy to be seen as somewhat eccentric, innovative and perceptive. In dreaming about what he would like to become or achieve, his goals are invariably highly individualistic. He must become the composer, the solo performer, the genius scientist who makes the unique discovery. If he is to be noticed at all, then he must be centre stage. If he can't be centre stage in an area of interest, then he must withdraw and resort to vitriolic criticism. But in all areas which interest him less he happily leaves to others and observes. With an INTP it is either all or nothing. Half-efforts he dislikes just as much as he dislikes the restrictions of teamwork and co-operation.

Humour is another aspect which marks out the INTP. He can readily dream up jokes about almost any situation. Taking things out of context is the chief source of humour and many an INTP is a Monty Pythonite. The Ne is the engine and source of this joke-generator. Needless to say, the humour of an INTP can be pretty zany and warped and may not be understood easily by others. The problem is that the Ne concepts for jokes are put into a structure only by the Ti. Hence, the humour can become black and tactless, having felt little Feeling input. Funnily enough, INTPs are dreadful tellers of jokes (which seems to be more the domain of those with Se), perhaps because they pay too little attention to detail when speaking spontaneously. If you see someone smirking and laughing at some private thought, without any obvious reason, he's probably an INTP. INTPs may however make good comedy writers, with the humour of Woody Allen being particularly liked.

The preference for intuitive perception means that INTPs dislike having their lives planned. They feel a distinct unease before most fixed appointments and cannot fully relax until the scheduled event is over, or at least in progress. However, the dreaded event is usually far less of a problem than had been imagined and usually brings with it a sense of satisfaction. Action is therefore the saving grace of an INTP, for a sense of achievement usually outweighs the earlier apprehension. Social appointments can also be greatly enjoyed, once they are underway. But joyful anticipation is rarely experienced beforehand, unless the event is central to the INTP's fields of interest. The source of the unease is simply the feeling that a planned schedule inhibits and robs the INTP of freedom. It is also a subordination to the plans of others which the independent INTP resists. Faithfully helping others is not a problem, however, but he must feel in control of his decision to subordinate or not.

INTPs tend to be rather mistrusting of people and are rather sceptical. However, a lot of their trust is based on what the Ne function tells them about somebody. This can lead to a naivity and sometimes to prejudices based on intuitive perceptions of appearence and style. People can be a problem for INTPs: on the one hand they are fascinated by some types of people, especially more extraverted individuals, but a fear of irrational behaviour in others usually leads to caution. Friendship with INTPs develops at a pace which depends considerably on the temperament of the other person. INTPs dislike making the first move and tend to mirror the emotional content of the other person. A jolly person will quickly bring the INTP out of his shell, as much as that is possible, while a serious person will find a serious INTP looking back at him. In this sense, INTPs preference for intuitive perception (rather than action) with respect to people results in them resembling a chameleon. The INTP can fit into many different modes of behaviour, even contradictory ones, in order to get into the mindset of the other person. The goal is to gain enough intuitive data to analyse and assess the person. In doing this, the INTP remains somewhat reserved, never wholly identifying himself with his surroundings. As chameleons, INTPs are therefore approachable and open, unless the Ne tells the INTP that the other person is a type he doesn't like, in which case the reserved attitude may become too obvious. The chameleon behaviour can be particularly strong when discussing something. The INTP may even argue something that he doesn't really believe himself. Sometimes it is for the intellectual stimulation that comes with the challenge of arguing from a variety of standpoints. Otherwise, it may be to avoid early conflict before the situation has been fully assessed. Chameleons hide their true selves. INTPs do not do this cynically, or indeed all the time, but it is a result of the strong desire to remain detached and observe.

However, where friendship develops rapidly, almost instantly, is when an INTP meets another INTP or similar temperament. Communication between such people can become extremely intense, leaving outsiders baffled. When two INTPs get togther, watch out! All forms of social graces and host-guest protocols become irrelevant. Both want only to share concepts and interests and absorb the intellectual stimulation of the other. Interruption of this process by any social necessity is undesired and annoying. Often the pair will become oblivious to everything around them and this may seem almost comical to an outsider. Introductory greetings such as "how are you?" may just be given and received with nonchalant disinterest. Conversations are more likely to open with something like: "Hi, I think I've worked out how changes in the Borg's command protocols can be routed through sub-space without compromising their universal teleconnectivity!", knowing that the other person knows exactly what he's on about. Later, the host may offer the guest a drink after an hour of discussing the latest developments in computer technology, and the guest may then notice that he is thirsty. In most cases however, INTPs have been groomed by other types into accomodating themselves into the social world, so that even amongst themselves a minimal level of social niceties will be given. Favourite topics of discussion are science and science-fiction, music, computers and any abstract concept with which one is currently fascinated by.

One-to-one conversation is preferred in almost every situation. In a group situation, INTPs are sensitive to whether they believe they will be listened to or not. If a dominant (strongly extraverted and loud) person is present, the INTP will withdraw and sulk, believing the dominant person to be a brute. If an INTP speaks, he must be listened to, for he believes his spoken opinions to be important. If not, he withdraws (at least in spirit) and assumes that the people who do not listen lack intelligence. Hence, INTPs make very poor leaders, for they depend too much on the attitudes of others. This is one of the negative sides of the Ne function. INTPs tend to jump to intuitive conclusions, can be fatalistic and have little perseverence. On the other hand, they can make very good assistants to leaders, provided they and the leader are of one mind, for their perceptive analysis can give the leadership useful insights which they may overlook, being too busy with leading. Indeed, INTPs are often glad when someone else takes over the lead, again providing the leader is of the same mind. An INTPs ideal is to provide all the ideas for a project and have a charismatic leader, who agrees with him, carry them out. The only area in which an INTP will carry out his own ideas to completion is in his personal interest world, where other people are not involved. For this reason, INTPs are fascinated by computer technology as well as the Internet which gives him a voice that he would not otherwise have. Many of the most dedicated Computer Freaks are INTPs. Ultimately, INTPs tend to trust machines more than they trust people and may feel particularly at home in the realm of cybernetics.

The Ne-Ti axis is a particularly useful configuration for an interest in Science Fiction. The Ne provides a fascination for abstract ideas while the Ti loves analysing the scientific concepts presented. Many an INTP is a Trekkie, particularly because Star Trek pays a great deal of attention to logical detail. Unlike much of the general population, however, INTPs take such science fiction series extremely seriously, showing the great relative importance attached to the world of ideas. Examples of fictional characters who INTPs have a natural affinity for are Avon (Blake's Seven), Data (Star Trek: TNG) and Seven of Nine (Voyager).

General role models for INTPs are individualistic, creative and perhaps enigmatic people. Innovative free-thinkers who follow their own new paths are usually greatly respected. Famous historical figures who attract the INTP's greatest respect are scientists, composers, inventors and, in society, revolutionary leaders and noble visionaries who bring about major change. Above all, individualism is the key factor, while vision is the most highly prized asset.

The Ne-Ti axis also leads to a curious duality in the thinking of the INTP. The dominant Ti core tends to assume the role of a controller and organiser of his life, while the Ne behaves like a free spirit, almost childlike in its enthusiasm. The INTP tends to experience these two forces as an almost continuous tug-of-war, with neither ever quite gaining the upper hand. He is not disturbed by this duality and can view it with wistful humour. If he has been free-spiriting for any length of time, he soon feels duty bound to analyse his behaviour and systematise it. While if he has been in an analytical mode for a while, he will soon decide that he can do what he wants freely after all. It is a yo-yo situation. Generally, INTPs have a very strong requirement to keep their external, social world as simple and as uncluttered as they can so that they can focus as much energy as possible on their internal world of system analysis and theoretizing. Hence, they tend to be amongst the least demanding and least complicated of all types when interacting with others. They prefer to let the world flow by: to observe the waves being made by others, but to make none themselves. When socializing, the Ne mode dominates, unless a discussion starts up involving the INTP in which case the Ti largely takes over. In their private world it is of course the Ti that dominates.

Tertiary Function: Introverted Sensing

The Sensing function is the mode of perceiving which gathers information from facts, details and objects. When this function is strongly introverted, Si, the focus moves away from external details and is primarly concerned with personal, introspective detail. The experience of the present is not central in itself, as with Se. Rather the focus is on how the present evokes remembered earlier experiences. The key outworking of the Si function is then a concern with memories of the past. INTPs typically have an acute awareness of the passage of past times. Sequences of past events can assume a remarkable solidity in their thinking, while most INTPs have very good memories. Indeed, the sensing function is usually very well developed in its strongly Si mode and forms a strong partnership with the Ti core. Hence, the internal world of the INTP is a world of complex, detailed structure, well organized and methodically kept in order. When an INTP focusses on specific details then he has a very sharp eye for them and will not lose sight of them.

On the other hand, one of the more serious weaknesses of an INTP is that the sensing function makes little inroads out into the external world. INTPs are usually oblivious to external details unless something forces them to take notice. When an INTP goes into a new room, or walks through a city street, he is blind to much of the detail that people with an Se function would see immediately. The INTP always tries to get a feel for the big picture, using his Ne, and habitually ignores all detail. Of course, objects of interest will be seen as a matter of course and he can choose to concentrate and focus on them, but it is remarkable how much he still overlooks. And those objects he does happen to notice will belong to a small set of things that he is interested in anyway. Many other objects would only be noticed if another person points them out to him.

When an INTP lives alone, his home is usually spartan and utility-oriented. There will be little or no decorative objects, electronic equipement will be in abundance and the importance of any object will depend only on its usefulness. The general style of the home is largely irrelevant. When an object is put aside, not to be returned to for a while, it will lie fully ignored until used again. Objects which lie unmoved for more than about 48 hours usually become invisible to the INTP, until such time as he has a use for them again. For other temperaments whose need for tidiness and order in a house is strong, this lack of concern in this area may seem despairing. For the INTP, however, no problem exists. Corners of rooms, table tops and cupboards may become cluttered with objects, but while they don't move they remain effectively invisible and are unimportant. Indeed, less mature INTPs have a reluctance to move objects at all, for the desire to remain detached and not physically interact with the world can be strong. The one thing that will force an INTP to tidy his home radically, even when alone, is when the clutter eventually gets in his way and hinders some activity. Often, however, the offending objects will merely be moved into another corner where they can spend some more weeks being invisible. When an INTP lives with a partner and perhaps has a family, he learns the necessity of focussing on the details of tidiness. This is not usually difficult, since tidying a house is an activity which can be clearly defined and, hence, the INTP can focus on it by treating it as systematic work.

Introverted Sensing often plays an important role in the private world of the INTP. When he visits a place, whether new or already known, his Si function gives an overriding concern for the atmosphere or mood of the place. In his subconscious, he connects the present experiences of his surroundings with memories of his past, sometimes deep past. A sense of history, of universality, is almost always invoked. When on holiday, the INTP wants to experience above all the ambience of each location. Specific details in the present are relatively unimportant and will not be well remembered. However, the atmosphere or mood will be remembered long after, as though it were a solid object. Since people encountered on a holiday usually count as details, unless more personal contact develops, the INTP tends to be drawn more to lonely, isolated places where atmosphere is less disturbed. Nevertheless, the presence of people does add its own ambience which can also be appreciated considerably. The net result of this concern for past experiences and of mood/atmosphere is that INTPs belong centrally to those types referred to as melancolic. The INTP melancolic is typically drawn to wild polar expanses, to mountain ranges and all places on the edges of civilisation. Whatever his particular yearning might actually be, it has a common root. The homeland of the INTP's psyche is a small and cosy community, isolated in the middle of a vast expanse of wilderness.

Because the present is inextricably linked to a sense of the past, INTPs tend to hoard items which help solidify the connection to the past. They find it very difficult to let go of anything they have collected (or indeed created) and which may have a nostalgic meaning. They assume that any object which is of interest now is bound to remain of interest for the rest of their lives. This emphasizes a strong sense of universality in the progression of time, just as it emphasizes the seriousness with which INTPs approach their interests. Frivolity is not in their vocabulary. INTPs often love keeping lists and databases in areas of interest, especially when the lists are associated with things of the past. Collecting periodical magazines or other media of interest is also a very common INTP trait. Such a collection is usually taken very seriously. Yet the collective whole, considered as a temporal rather than spatial object, always assumes more importance in the mind of the INTP than the objects forming the collection themselves. Hence, INTPs are collectors, but they are collecters for whom the objects themselves are only important in so far as they evoke a connection to past events, in so far as they yield a nostalgic mood. The curious problem with any collection of an INTP is that he typically fails to enjoy it in the here and now. Items are stored away so that they can evoke this time at some point in the future, but such a point often never occurs. It may never occur because INTPs are always so mentally active that they continually delve into new interests, and continue to hoard items relating to these, so that they rarely allow themselves enough time to reflect on the ever expanding library of their past. The interests of an INTP would be enough to occupy him for several lifetimes if that were possible.

Photography is a classic interest of the INTP, which depends strongly on the Si - Ne combination, as well as on Ti for attention to technical detail. Landscape photography, for example, is the art of conveying a sense of mood/atmosphere to the viewer (Si). The correct employment of lenses, filters etc. brings out the Ti core, while the enjoyment of seeing the world as an fascinating varied object to be observed and captured in the best possible way brings out the Ne-Ti architect. Photos are also a way of capturing the present to evoke a sense of past in the future (Si). When involved in portrait or people photography, the INTP will also be primarily concerned with the mood conveyed by the person in the eye of the lens. Quality photographic skill, as well as an intrinsic feel for imagery, is usually second nature to the INTP and can make a good career choice. When viewing photographic images, say in magazines, the overriding concern is for how the photo is conveyed; its mood, its colour, contrast and shading usages, its perspectives and image quality. However, the actual subject of the image, which other types are likely to concentrate on first, takes a back seat unless it is unavoidably dramatic. Hence, INTPs may convey a very critical and impersonal approach in discussing images, which could lead to offence in some situations.

Another area of interest common to INTPs, where Si has a strong influence, is Music. INTPs are usually fascinated by music and may have deep and wide-ranging tastes. Indeed, each of their three main functions (Ti, Ne, Si) plays a role in the enjoyment of music, and indeed music is a key interest for bringing out the feeling shadow of the INTP. Si itself brings a fascination for mood and atmosphere in music as well as for a strong sense of personal nostalgia. INTPs are therefore often keen on melancolic minor-key music in which an introspective and/or esoteric mood is conveyed. Equally, INTPs enjoy hearing music that they heard and enjoyed when younger (provided they can still appreciate it now) and yearn for the sense of nostalgia that it yields. INTPs are also drawn to complexly structured music, thanks to their Ti core. An appreciation of modern classical music, as well as perhaps contemporary jazz, is therefore common with them. Such music types are usually too complex to be understood after a single hearing, which hence provides excellent material for analysis, exciting the INTP no end. Once the basic developmental structure of the music has been assessed, Ne provides the impetus to derive a general meaning of the piece. What does the composer wish to convey, for example? Why was that particular development chosen? Indeed, the Ne is usually hard at work during listening sessions, trying to grasp the meanings behind the often fascinating combinations of sound-world evocations, structural developments and nostalgic impressions.

When the Ti core dominates the choice of music to listen to, the need for intellectual stimulation derived from complex structures and sounds will override concerns for cultured harmony. Hence, INTPs are often drawn to dissonance. Indeed, they may even thoroughly strive for dissonant sound worlds. When in such moods, consonant harmonies, especially of the three-chord-melody variety, are dismissed as boring and uninspired. If an INTP is forced to listen to simple harmonic music for a while, he usually can't wait to feel the relief provided by a few minutes of pure dissonance. The ideal music for the Ti core might be typically a modern symphony, with a complex, but analysable structure, with a rich and varied sound world, predominantly dissonant but with sections of melodic motifs to provide solidity. Examples of modern classical composers who particularly speak to the Ti core might be Simpson, Arnold, Holmboe, Maxwell-Davies and Shostakovich.

However, feeding the Ti core alone with music will rarely satisfy an INTP for long. Where music really inspires in when the Si function is brought into the picture. Generally, INTPs are fascinated by atmospheres evoked by music. Examples of modern classical composers whose music speaks more to the Si-melancoly through sound-world evocation might be Bax, Tavener, Pärt, Szymanowski and Rautavaara. Some elements of world-music also speak strongly to the Si-melancoly. INTPs may be interested in the Folk musics of eastern Europe and India, for example. The role played by the Si function is shared by SJ types, so that INTPs may find a common musical bond with some SJs in this area. Indeed, INTPs often feel at ease with SJs, especially their near-shadow xSFJ types. The SJ's guardian instincts usually help the INTP to feel at ease, while the tradition-based predictability of the SJ approach to life helps the INTP to know where he stands, giving him the space he needs to relax. Although the most intense communicative friendships may develop with fellow NTs, some extraverted intuitive types may overstress the INTP by being too dominant and unpredictable, extracting too much energy from the Ti core.

Ultimately, however, music forms a vital, central role in awaking the underdeveloped Fe shadow in the life of an INTP. It is undoutedly Fe that gives the INTP the life-spark to introduce a genuine sense of joy that music is experienced with. To the INTP, the role of Fe in music appreciation remains mysterious. Music forms which may be useful for awakening the shadow are expressive forms of jazz, where extraverted Feeling is central to the music-making process, as well as some expressive Folk styles (Irish for example). Examples of modern classical composers whose music may appeal to the Fe shadow of INTPs are Messiaen, Copland, Schnittke, Bartok, Vaughan-Williams and, again, Shostakovich (Noting that Fe can be expressing a range of positive or negative feelings).The music of Shostakovich is a particular favourite because, alongside its developmental structure, it also yields an immense sense of passionate tragedy which awakes the Fe-shadow together with the Si-melancoly.

Inferior Function: Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted Feeling judgement, Fe, is the shadow function of the INTP, being by far the least developed of his faculties. Indeed, mature use of Fe typically doesn't begin to take shape until well into middle age. Feelings and emotions are regarded with suspicion and perhaps fear by the INTP and he may be keen to avoid considering or showing them. At the same time, he may experience a certain fascination for the emotional world, but he is desperate to de-personalize any thoughts on that area. He is compelled to subject his emotions to continual analysis, the Ti core literally suppressing the Fe shadow, attacking Fe with accusations of irrationality. He resists letting his feelings go, fearing that to do so would be to relinquish control to an unknown force. He believes emotions to be of a lesser substance than logic and his natural goal would be to conquer his emotions with pure rationality.

Much of the above demonstrates the immature and underdeveloped approach with which the INTP meets his emotional side. In reality, the extraverted nature of the INTP's feeling judgement means that his emotions, when visible, are pretty direct and easy to assess. Since the INTP normally wishes to hide his emotions; when they do come out, they do so in outbursts with an almost childlike innocence. There is a sense of all-or-nothing and, when visible, there is nothing enigmatic about the feelings of an INTP: indeed, shadow functions always seem pretty raw and basic.

When making on the spot decisions while extraverting with another person, the shadow Fe is often temporally exposed on the front line. Its immature nature may then result in an inadequate decision being made. The INTP may regret this later when the Ti core has analysed the events. Hence, INTPs tend to resist being forced to make quick decisions, for they know that their Fe judgement is their achilles heel. However, the resistance is sometimes weakened when Ne jumps in to back up the Fe. The accuracy of the intuitive insight then becomes crucial if the INTP is to avoid fatal errors. It is interesting to observe that the external world of the INTP involves a very free-spirited Ne-Fe partnership, while the internal world is a very clinical detail-structure-analysis Ti-Si combination. Hence, the outward behaviour of an INTP can contrast strongly with his introspective world.

For the INTP, emotions are seen as something mysterious and as uncontrollable as they are unalterable. Hence, the root of the fear of emotions is the fear that they cannot be controlled. Hence, when an INTP does finally respond emotionally to something, his emotions are indeed left uncontrolled, raw and open. However, when witnessing the emotional response of another person, the INTP intensely resists any similar emotion of his own. An example of this is when watching a 'weepy' cinema film in which some heart-wrenching scene is being shown. The INTP despises the attempt by the filmmaker to influence his emotions and is more likely to sneer than cry. This response has nothing to do with arrogance, however. Rather it is the INTP defensively avoiding exposing what he knows to be his weak point. Where an INTP may experience his own emotional response during a film is when he has had the chance to consider consequences of a element of the film. Hence, emotional response to media input usually occurs with a certain independence of will, which could appear enigmatic to others.

The mystery of emotion is also evidence in the INTP's use of music. He always chooses to listen to music which suits his current emotional state, be it aggression, warmth, excitement, relaxation or whatever. Hence, the emotional state is assumed to be an unchangeable, mysterious property of himself. It is easier to choose appropriate music than to attempt to influence this. People with introverted Feeling, Fi, however, will deliberately choose to listen to music which helps them change and improve their mood. INTPs could never do that. They feel an unpleasant sense of disharmony whenever a music style clashes with their emotional state. Indeed, it is remarkable how much attention they pay to their emotions when music is involved.

Sexuality is another important area which brings out the Fe shadow of the INTP. Sexuality fascinates INTPs in a similar way to music. Both have an emotional core which does not entirely yield to analysis. Sexual feelings often clash with the INTPs desire to control and understand his universe. They also clash with the desire for detachment and keeping a distance. But sexuality is the one thing who's natural power can break through any type dynamics. Hence, sexuality can play a big role in balancing the INTP's functionality. However, the INTP's natural approach to sexuality will still have true-to-type elements. He will be keen to understand and categorise his sexual responses. He will be keen to see first the generalities of male- and femaleness before any personal references are made. Nevertheless, in an intimate relationship, the extraverted nature of the feeling judgement leads to a beneficial openness and empathic directness in responding to the partner's needs, providing the healthy development of the Fe function is encouraged. Indeed, for many INTPs, an intimate relationship is the only place where the Fe shadow can really develop fruitfully.

The inferior nature of the Fe shadow shows itself, otherwise, in the lack of ability to show active empathy with people undergoing strong emotions. If he wishes to encourage the emotional person, the INTP tends to resort to giving T-based solutions to the problems involved. Often, the INTP does not really know how to empathize and may feel discomfort and helplessness, especially when he understands the rational basis for the emotions. He may become frustrated that the person remains unhappy in spite of hearing his T-based solutions. Much worse is when the emotional person appears to be being irrational. INTPs detest irrational emotion above all things. INTPs must take a very wide berth around people who appear to be irrationally, outwardly emotional. INTPs are very sensitive to such a trait and fear the potential excesses of the emotional attacks which do not yield to a defence based on logic.

In a similar way, INTPs dislike being in an atmosphere of emotional disharmony. If they need to say something unpleasant to someone close to them, they would prefer to avoid this task for fear of the disharmony that may result. This results from the INTP's fear that he does not have the emotional competence to deal with disharmony. INTPs never like doing something until they know they can do it. The best cure for this reticence is experience: to express his feelings, to live through disharmony and come out the other side with greater experience of his emotional side.

The feeling shadow is the fear centre of the INTP. He rarely fears any factual thing in the outside world, at least not things that will be encountered in normal day-to-day living. Logic stipulates that external objects or people which threaten can always potentially be dealt with by instigating an active defence strategy. Of course, the possibility of being left truly helpless leaves the INTP cold, for once the Ti core is defeated, the inferior Fe can offer little comfort. Resigned acceptance of the unacceptable is an anathema for INTPs. His typical response to helplessness is to hate the world which has produced it. However, the greatest fears of an INTP are usually ideas generated within his own mind. The problem is that the Ti-Ne axis is capable of conceiving very unpleasant ideas, which may be far from reality and even irrational. Ideas and possibilities assume so much importance in the mind of an INTP that they can override a common sense factual grasp on reality. Since the emotional response to an unpleasant idea is based on an underdeveloped function, it may also fail to bring a return to common sense. The net result is the fear that ideas alone may lead to self-destruction. This fear is irrational and is a cry of help from the feeling shadow when being overdominated by the Ti-Ne axis. This problem can be overcome when more balanced type dynamics result from increasing maturity.

Still Don't Believe Me?

2008-11-08T11:18:00.001-08:00

http://change.gov/

Watch out for this guy....people who don't lie are dangerous.

Tears in my Eyes

2008-11-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

Take a gander at these lyrics and try not to have tears in your eyes:

Christian band? Nope. Christian themes? See for yourself.

"Under god but we kill like the son of Sam
But if you feel like I feel like about the son of man
We will overcome"

"We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
Except by a woman dying from the loss of food
Except by a freedom fighter bleeding on a cross for you"

The Moral Dilemma of Voting Democrat vs Republican

2008-11-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

I got a lot of good responses on my last post and I would like to delve deeper into my thoughts on why it is possible for a Christian to vote for a pro-choice candidate. Aside from the actual fact that most supreme court justices are conservative, more presidents since Roe v. Wade have been Republican than Democrat, and the fact that nothing has changed since the decision. I am not going to comment on the effectiveness of the decision to elect a pro-life candidate.

I will, however, comment on the issue of abortion. I do not like abortion, I am not pro-murder even in the case of the death penalty.

While in college, at a non-Christian school, I had to come to grips with the fact that I should not expect non-Christians to behave in a Christian manner. The issue was that I was bothered by the promiscuity, alcohol abuse, and general immorality of many people. What I had to realize is that they are not Christians and should not be held to the same moral standard to which I hold myself. And even if they are Christians it is not my job to pass judgement upon them. Perhaps to tell them, in love, that they are not behaving in a way that Jesus taught but never to chastise them publicly for their actions.

With that said, we do not live in a Christian nation. We should not make laws enforcing morality or actions that we deem to be moral. The society may be going to hell but it is not our job to fix governments. We are in the business of telling the world about Jesus, who He is, what He did, and showing via our actions that the way the world exists is not how God intended it to be. We, as Christians, can't even control our own lives. We are all sinners fallen from grace and it is only by the death and ressurection of Jesus Christ that we have any business calling ourselves part of a royal priesthood. It is only because of Jesus taking our own sins upon us that we are in the place we are. Who are we, as sinners, to attempt to enforce righteousness upon other sinners? If God gives people the choice to sin, so should we.

This can be extrapolated to all manners of life in which Christians deal with non-Christians. Gay marriage, abortion, prayer in schools, etc are not things that should even be on our radar. Let's take a long hard look in the mirror at our own fallings, our lying, divorce rate, lack of humility, abandoning the poor, not caring for the widows, migrating from the cities, racial segregation in church, doctrinal issues that have nothing to do with Faith. The list goes on and on.

WE DO NOT LIVE IN A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY. We can pray that our leaders are Christians and behave in a Christian manner, but the nation and its residents have the freedom to do as they choose.

Therefore, the decision for president should be for the candidate who we feel best represents a Godly person and who will bring morality and applied Christianity into his decision making process. A single issue does not make or break a candidate's validity and, in the same way, a single sin does not remove all possibility for redemption.

I believe strongly that had John McCain spoken in the way he did during his concession speech during the entire campaign, my decision would have been a whole lot harder. The fact, however, that he was influenced so much by the RNC makes me glad he did not win. I can only pray now that the Barack I believed in can bring a Godly presence to the office of the presidency and that his policies will reflect his faith.

Please do not call into question Barack's faith. He stated his faith and it has been reflected in his speeches. Regardless of his name or his parentage, he grew up in the church and attended church his entire adult life. We will know what his beliefs are by the fruits of the spirit, which he seems to have.

Obama: The First Christian President Since Carter

2008-11-05T09:45:00.001-08:00

There is a large difference to me between someone who professes Christianity and someone whose demeanor and policies reflect their Faith. Let's assume we are all under the rule and reign of God. How many wars would we have? How many mothers would starve? How much would we give to the poor? How many immigrants would we allow into our nation? I am a Republican because I think it is the responsibility of the states to take care of their constituents and the national government to take care of the nation. I also think it is the responsibility of Americans to donate from their excess and sacrifice some comforts so that the people of this world can have what we take for granted. I think donating to a non-profit should be a tax writeoff meaning if I give 10% of my income to my church, the government sees that as me taxing myself. Tax rates should be defined based on cost of living in your state. If it costs a family of 4 100,000 to live in your state, there will be no tax on incomes less than 100,000 for a famiy of four. This would be the new poverty line for your state. Then, any income above and beyond the cost of living, would be flat taxed at a nationally regulated rate. This includes ALL income figured out like this: How much money did you start out with this year? How much money was given to you? How much do you have now? So let's say I start the year with 100,000 in stock and I make 50,000 a year. My stocks gain 20%, so my income was 70,000.

I also believe that people should be able to donate to non profits in lieu of giving money to the government. You want separation of church and state? Here it is. Give money to the church or the state or a combination :)

Yes, some people make gobs of money, and yes they (mostly) earn it. If we were all Christians and living under the rule and reign of the one true King, there would be no need for forced generosity; however, we live in a fallen world, where people are inherently greedy. It is therefore the responsibility of the community of people as a whole (aka the government) to enforce said generosity. With the ability to donate to non profits in lieu of paying taxes, people with a ton of money would be able to pick and choose where their money was spent and would not have to give it to the government if they felt a non-profit would do a better job. Any non-donated tax would go to the state government, with percentages defined by a federal mandate.

The money from property/luxury/sales/people bad at math (lottery and gambling) tax would go into a general state coffer to pay for schools and other infrastructure for the state. The states would then be taxed on their income and that money would go to the federal government to provide infrastructure for intrastate travel, communication, and the common defense.

Why do I say that Barack is a Christian? Look at the speech he made last night: We are all responsible for taking care of our fellow citizens. Who is your neighbor? Everybody in this nation. Why do I say Bush, Clinton, Bush 1, and Reagen are not Christians? Look at the way they raped the world. NAFTA, Iraq, retaliation instead of forgiveness, calling an entire nation an "evil empire", the term "axis of evil", WTO, Afghanistan, shutting down immigration, allowing for corruption and greed to spread like wildfire through the private sector, rampant unemployment, the fall of the housing market, greedy corporations giving loans to people with no money, greedy people unwilling to save money, etc. Do you think these policies were tempered in the fires of prayer?

I am not saying that Barack is perfect, but I am saying that I have never heard a President in my lifetime speak in this way. If his policies are close to his speech, this changes everything I have seen in my lifetime about Christian Presidents.

2008-09-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have been reading some Allen Ginsberg. While I may not agree with a few of his belifs and life practices (homosexuality, NAMBLA, Buddhism, etc.) I can appreciate his respect for humanity and his willingness to say that the world in which we live is not perfect.

There are parts of me that are cynical and revolutionary but those are not qualities that I believe I have. I call myself a Levitical Socialist, but in reality, I am a Christian and the activism, intelligence, thoughts, and musings flow from my Christianity like rhymes from Chuck D. The sinful nature that I must constantly guard against is merely my body's opposing reaction to the things that flow from me. Outwardly I become an activist, inwardly I become less and less hopeful about something actually happening. Inwardly my relationship with God grows, outwardly my relationships with others diminish.

I really despise my sinful nature, perhaps that was the thorn Paul always talked about, although I always thought it was homosexuality, but that's another debate for another day. The things that I do always feel as if they have an undertone of sinfulness.

Put this into your hookah and puff on it:
A few weeks ago we helped with set up for church. After set up there was time for breakfast, so the community group decided to go out to the IHOP within walking distance. There were some other people that helped and I invited them to come with us. One of the guys said he would go. I liked this guy, even though he was the antithesis of what I am on the outside (he is an extroverted black guy, nuff said) I know that God brought me to him and vice versa because our past experiences and current employment status places us much closer than I would have thought. We talked for awhile, but we only hinted at things below the surface. After church I asked him how I could pray for him, which was, to say the least, not something I do. Ever. But I had to, no questons.

We talked for a few seconds and then I bolted. The next week I found him again after church and asked him about his week and we did the "how can I pray for you" bit again and made some spiritual small talk before I went back to rescue Kimmy from a conversation.

Both times, before approaching him, I have had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is going to look at me as some stupid white boy patronizing and trying to look down on him, or act superior or laugh at my introverted self or think I am just trying to create a token friendship because of the difficulties I have in starting conversations and my comfort in silence.

This is the part of me I despise. The part of me that says something is wrong because of the social norms and mores that it breaks down. Or the part of me that says it's wrong because of the loss of comfort it brings upon me, or the guilt for being a white yuppie male with a white collar job, or everything else that exists because of the sinful nature of humanity. I hate beyond hate the fact that I cannot do the things I want to do or know that I should do because of a lack of testicular fortitude or a plethora of logical thought.

I do not have the guts to do many things that I would like to do, but I can do more than I could a year ago. I will leave you with an ode:

Progress is slow
frustration is high
hope is receeding
anger is manifest

manifest in ways the tongue cannot say
only a feeling as it sticks to the roof of the mouth
teeth grinding

this prison is an abode, comfortable
monkey on the shoulder clawing and screeching
drop the chain

without the chain what would i hold
a vast feeling of emptiness, despair, c'est un baobab
visceral bruises

destroy the planet, destroy the baobab,
prince major tom is in a tin can, searching for life
more abundant

the dolphin cries, the deer pants for
water in streams, life has been found
hope

with feathers

Metamagical Themas

2008-07-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading a book called Metamagical Themas by Douglas Hofstadter and it is something that I am proud to be reading and a task that I would like to replicate at some point in my lifetime.

Not that the book, in an of itself, is a work that I could replicate, but the idea of combining the things that I enjoy and the thoughts that I have into a volume intrigues me. I am not a writer, although I do write. I will leave the "writing" to those in the family with a knack for seeing the beauty in the written word. What I do enjoy, however, is the process of thinking and of organizing those thoughts into coherent phrases. Most of my thoughts seem random and the themas that I would write would attempt to tie together my seemingly odd interests.

All of my interests revolve around the central theme of God's influence and creativity in the areas of our world that we take for granted. In the wikipedia article of Hofstadter it says "Both inside and outside his professional work, Hofstadter is driven by a pursuit of beauty. He seeks beautiful mathematical patterns, beautiful explanations, beautiful typefaces, beautiful sonic patterns in poetry, and so forth. Hofstadter has said of himself, "I'm someone who has one foot in the world of humanities and arts, and the other foot in the world of science.""

My feet are both firmly planted in Christianity, but my eyes survey the world around me, taking it all in. I don't venture forth, but I am constantly increasing the sphere of influence to see God in various places manifested in seemingly disparate ways. That would be the subject matter of my book and we shall see if it ever comes to fruition or merely exists as yet another extension of my sphere.

Goodbye Sunshine

2008-07-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

The Indians have officially "given up" on the season. A bit over a week ago they called the current road trip make or break. Three at Chi Sox, 3 at Twinkies, 3 at Tigers. On June 30th, they were 9.5 games back. A 9 game road trip would, if they swept all 3, put them a minimum of 6.5 games back (most likey 4.5 or less) and right back into the thick of things. Instead they were swept by the White Sox and lost 2 of 3 at the Twins. A make or break trip was turned into a fiasco and CC Sabathia was traded to the Brewers.

Say what you will about the trade (CC for 2 top shelf prospects and 2 mid tier guys) but even if the Tribe was only a game or two back, this is a trade I would have thought about making. CC is a great pitcher, I'm not arguing that, but if you look at the status of the Indians at this moment, they are moving into another rebuilding. Whether or not that rebuilding is more of a reloading remains to be seen but let's look at the facts:

1) The closer situation is just not good. Even before Borowski was DFA, 45 saves last year was the definition of anomaly. One time in my lifetime I want to see an Indians CLOSER. Mesa, Wickman, Borowski. Granted Mesa was good, but he died when the team needed him the most. The problem with closers is that they walk a delicate line. On one hand they want to go out and just blow people away with their stuff (see K-Rod, K-Wood, Rivera, Hoffman, Gagne) on the other hand, you can only blow people away with wicked stuff so long before your arm falls off (K-Wood, Gagne). The Tribe, in building for the future, does not want or need a pitcher who just plain dominates for an inning or two, yet. What they need is what they have had in the past, a regular old guy who goes out and guts it out every night. When winning is on the line, they need a psychopathic guy who is about one hic-up from Tommy John surgery. Hopefully they find him.

2) The "core" of the roster is actually VERY small (even smaller now). Grady, Victor...Grady... are the only ones who have been good consistently for a long time and are continuing to get better. The rest of the guys, as much as I love them, are average to slightly above average guys who have the ability to perform at a high level. The issue this year is that the guys around them have returned to their average ways (see 2001-06) and there is no one in AAA who is any better to call up (Asdrubal, Garko, Fausto last year) When you have a low payroll you have to fight it with depth. You can't afford to pay a full team of All-Stars but what you can do is have a few and then have depth at the other positions in AAA so that when one of them sucks, you just send him down and get his replacement. The Tribe needs to extend that core by finding the guys before they are All-Stars and then having more positions solidified so that they can have more than two guys at the same spot in the order and consistently producing.

The best case scenario for the Indians next year and beyond is to continue to build the core and surround it with flashes in the pan and a few journeymen. A core for me is this:
Catcher, 2IF, 2OF, one ace starter, one setup man, and a closer. That's 9 out of 25. The rest of the pieces are effectively inconsequential.

The rest of the starting pitchers will fall into line with a good pitching coach. Look at the Cardinals every single year: even if they were bad on other teams the Cards bring out the best in their pitchers. All you need is one ace. The Tribe has Fausto (and Clifford Lee) so CC was expendable. Good job guys. Hopefully they got another of the 9 needed parts.

The Cubs may just win the World Series this year with these parts:
C- Soto
OF - Soriano
OF - Edmonds
OF - Fukudome
IF - Ramirez
IF - Lee
SP - Zambrano
MR - Marmol
CL - Wood

Rudimentary Computer Intelligence

2008-06-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

I am inherently inquisitive. One of my first nicknames was "Why What Noonen" so this is not a trait that I have worked on and developed. This serves me very well in my current job and I would like to share some of the things that I like to look at in detail in addition to a few things you should probably know.

1) When on the web, always look at the url (that thing that starts with http://) there are always clues as to the location that the writers may or may not want you to know. For instance Penny Arcade uses a URL that looks like this: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/12/20/ now what that tells me is that I'm looking at the comic from 12/20/2006. Try it out for URLs that you visit all the time. What you find may be that the "broken" links can be fixed easily if you know the algorithm for the creation of the URL and other data you may want to access becomes much easier to find. Google.com is one of the more interesting if you know complicated search queries.

2) Learn to count in other number formats. Binary and hexadecimal are the best (binary is 0 and 1, hex is 0...9, A...F meaning that A is actually 10 in decimal) but others are fun as well.

3) Learn what the modifier keys do (Ctrl, Alt, Shift) and key combinations (Ctrl+A) for your favorite OS and applications. These key combinations will not be part of your daily life for awhile, but aim at learning a few per week and using them instead of the mouse. Applications have to be developed so that a user can use the keypad instead of the mouse for people with no dexterity. Take advantage of this.

4) Learn what XML is and how it works. Once you understand XML, right click and view source on a web page or two.

5) Play with applications and try to discover hidden things. Most applications have File, Edit... menu items and most of them have predefined items within these menu items. Try to find one or two menu items that you have never used and see what they do. For the applications that you use on a daily basis, you should know every menu item and what they do.

6) Dive into the Control Panel and see what you can do. Have fun, break something, try to fix it. If all else fails, reinstall the Operating System.

The thing that separates Macs from PCs in my mind is that I have infinite control over what happens, how things are displayed, what applications open what files, etc. If you really get gutsy, go to Start -> Run and type regedit and hit enter. Here is where things can REALLY go wrong but look some properties up and see what happens when you change them. Look everything up on your favorite search engine and let the inquisition begin.

Social Gospel

2008-06-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

Barak Obama is not only the first Black candidate but he is also the first Christian presidential candidate since, I believe, Jimmy Carter. I'm not talking about professed Christians who merely use their stance on Christianity or their history of attending church in an attempt to gain the support of the "moral majority" but an actual Christian. A thinking, breathing, God fearing, Jesus Freak.

Barak's pastor has come under fire because of beliefs that he has and some of that backdraft has spread to Barak. I am a white person, as white as they come but I have very little problem with Rev. Wright or statements he has made. From the perspective of a priviledged member of the middle class, I have no idea what it is like to grow up in a society that not only devalues me as a person but also attempts to keep me in my place. America is not the land of the free, nor is it the home of the brave. America is the land of hipocracy and the home of the hidden marginalized. Giuliani swept the homeless under the rug and I'm fairly certain that what he did is only the loudest example of the lack of care that we as a society provide for those less fortunate.

America is amazing because of its freedoms, but those freedoms have only been available to all of its members for less than 40 years. Even now, McCain and other Republicans are attempting to deny this freedom to the immigrants of the nation. Other than the Native Americans, we are ALL immigrants. And even the Native Americans immigrated from the Middle East and/or Africa. The only people in the history of this planet who were not immigrants were Adam and Eve. They were created from nothing, the rest of us came here the natural way via childbirth and immigrated to our parents home, then to other places in the country. We are all immigrants.

Until I started going to NC3 my favorite line in the Lord's Prayer was "Thy will be done, on Earth, as it is in Heaven" That will, which was so incomprehensible, made life bearable since everything ultimately would align to God's will so the difficult questions of why something happened became inconsequential. Who cares why something happens, it must be God's will.

Now I see the error in my judgement and my dismissal of the previous line "Thy Kingdom come" as the flaw in that judgement. The Lord's Prayer is actually a sequence of statements culminating in the "Kingdom, power, and glory" being given to God "forever and ever." Literally, there are two statements in the entire Lord's Prayer. "Hallowed be thy name" and the rest is a definition of what it means for the Kingdom to come. God's perfect will accomplished everywhere, no more hunger, intense forgiveness, steering us away from temptation, delivery from Evil, all power, glory, and the Kingdom in God's hands forever and ever. It never made sense to me why Jesus would pray that or teach his followers to pray in that way. Why didn't he just say "When you pray, recite this this passage from Psalms." What in this prayer was so different that it had special mention as the only time Jesus's actual prayers are recorded in Scripture even though He prayed constantly?

Jesus taught his disciples to pray a prayer that could only exist after the resurrection when the Kingdom had already come. What we pray today is that the Kingdom will come again and I think that Barak Obama is the next step in the Kingdom coming again. MLK spoke of the view from the mountaintop where he could see the promised land. If MLK was Moses, Barak could be Joshua, leading the people across the river. What we have ahead of us is a battle against the citizens of Jericho and their seemingly insurmountable walls. This world may have to be destroyed in order for the Kingdom to come. But this is not a battle to be fought with guns and planes but with belief that if we persevere and continue encircling the walls, they will come down.

Our job as Christians not only to persevere but also to enter the city that is filled with darkness and to seek out the Rahabs of the world so that when the walls come down, they will be spared and will enter the promised land with us and see the world as God intended it.

Collision

2008-05-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

http://mlb.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?mid=200805222746276

Sometimes it is nice to see worlds collide. God and baseball collide about 36 seconds into this. I don't know much about Adrian Gonzalez or Albert Pujols but they moved about 5 steps up in my book for their obvious declaration of faith and the immediacy with which they did it. These two men clearly would respond to any situation in this way and it makes me proud to say that I am a baseball fan in moments like this.

Simplicity

2008-05-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

I love things that are complicated. The harder a solution to a problem is to come by, the more I will work and work and work at it until I dream about it (if I can sleep without solving it) and eventually figure out the problem. There is something intriguing about the difficulty in solving and the process that makes me joyful to be alive. Because of this aspect of my personality, I really have a difficult time solving simple problems since I always think of complicated solutions to simple problems.

For example: I designed a tree view (the hierarchical menu system that you see on the left hand of windows explorer) for an application that was pre-populated with data. Each of the parent nodes was a container for one or more parent nodes and one or more child nodes. As you got closer and closer to the leaf level (end of the line) the more specific the navigation became. IE Dog -> Big Dog -> Great Dane -> Harlequin Great Dane. What I needed to do is get all leaf nodes under a specific node. In the example above, I would need to get all Great Danes.

The way that I solved this problem was to create each node with a specific filter condition and then I would get all the nodes from a table of all nodes that match the filter conditions. So the Great Dane node would have the filter "Type=Dog, Size = Big, Breed = Great Dane" and then I would just run the query on the table and it would return all results that matched the filter. This is an elegant solution, extensible, and fairly well written. The only problem was that the nodes had already been filtered and I was reinventing the wheel in an even more complicated manner.

After thinking about this solution, I had to pause and go back and rethink. Why didn't I just get all the child nodes under the parent and not bother with the filter condition? Because I'm crazy, that's why.

Chrisitanity is the same way. All that matters is that God is A number one in my list of priorities. Everything else is just details. Theology, following moral codes, the spiritual disciplines, everything that comes along with Christianity is placed remarkably into perspective once I realize that the things that are dragging me down all have the root cause of not placing God first.

Getting this through my thick head on a daily basis is what I will continue to struggle with until the day that I die.

Religion and Politics

2008-05-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

My favorite things to talk about are religion and politics. I love them both equally because everyone has to have an opinion about them in one way or another and the opinion of two people, except in the most odd of circumstances, will be different. These seemingly divisive (since when did everyone pronouce that "dih-vih-sive" as opposed to "dih-vye-sive") actually make me feel closer to a person than if we shared the same beliefs. Let me explain.

The ability of a person to articulate their feelings on an issue in additon to having the courage to defend those beliefs in a logical and conclusive manner without clamming up or becoming actively hostile makes me enjoy the conversation. If you cannot debate your opinions without descending into emotional drivel, then you do not have an opinion. You have been innundated with rhetoric and dogma and are merely regurgitating what you have been told.

Tina Fey was on SNL a few weeks ago, I don't remember if she was the host, but she was given a soapbox at the Weekend Update desk. She utilized this position to proclaim her Hillary Clinton calptrap and stated "bitch is the new black." It was not a very funny statement and made me think of one of the two funny lines Dane Cook has ever uttered. "It's that awkward silence like we were all sitting down eating dinner and dad just got up and smacked mom and now we're trying to go back to our dinner." A horrible situation, but a perfect analogy.

A few weeks later Tracy Morgan came on and was talking up Barack Obama. I don't remember much of what he said, I only remember that it was moderately amusing but mostly bad. Sitting on the couch with Kimmy, we kind of felt that justice had been served and had started talking during his little diatribe. We quieted down to hear the end of it and he uttered these words, which will forever be burned into my brain. "Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch" No better words have been spoken and I applaud NBC, SNL, and Tracy Morgan for this.

Amy Poehler is also a vehement Clinton psychopath and when the camera went back to her and Seth Myers to finish the segment, Seth was doing all he could to not die of laughter and Amy was gritting her teeth. This is a link to the speech, which is bad in most of it but ends with the one liner to end all one liners.

Hillary is intelligent, calculating, and will do anything to get what she wants even if it means destroying the Democratic party. I am a Republican but will vote Obama because I believe that his intentions are to make this a better country. McCain is pretty much Bush's mini-me and we've seen how that has gone the past 8 years. Clinton's intention is the presidency and she will stop at nothing to get it. This is a perfect video. The only difference is that the small dog knows when it's time to quit.

Update x2

2008-05-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

So the Cubs won that game. Still undefeated with me in the stands (5-0 or maybe more). I also passed that exam I was talking about and another one, so I am one exam (70-549) from MCPD-EA. w00t!!

Guild drama has begun :) I have two issues with people on WoW and both are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Type 1: Immature. Mostly Hunters. Have no concept of "team." Suffer from short and long term memory loss. Can not listen to instructions. Amazingly selfish. Will not sacrifice anything so that the raid will succeed. I have no idea how they manage to survive. Darwin clearly had some flaws in his theory.

Type 2: Hardcore. Mostly tanks and healers. Control freak. The type of person who will request to work solo on all group projects. See team members as dragging them down, holding them up, or as a cancer on their success. Refuse to admit faults. If something goes wrong, instead of busting out Benny Hill and laughing, will scream and yell and pick one person who *really* screwed up and harrangue them the rest of the night. Never have a "good day."

There are multiple type 1's in my guild and one specific type 2. One of the things that I have to laugh at is if something can go wrong involving this person and me, it will. For instance, if she heals me, the monster will attack her even if mathematically there is no reason for it to do so. Within the 3 seconds that it takes me to a) realize the monster ran away b) run after it c) get it off of her she has normally died and is fuming. If we are signed up on a group together, something inevitably will come up and I will miss it. Every time. I have, as a result, avoided her at all costs. The only time I group with her (and will group with her from now on) is in 25 man raids where I have a 1/23 chance of not being on her bad side. Last night, luckily, someone wasn't paying attention to heal chat and he felt the wrath of her type 2 personality.

This type 2 is married and I think I heard her husband say 5 things all of last night (2+ hour raid) even though he was a tank and should have been talking most of the time. Poor guy.

Update

2008-04-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

So not too much has happened since the last update.

The Indians are not starting off the year the way I would like them to, but at least they're not the 2-10 Tigers. Baseball is a game of streaks. Put together enough good ones and you make the playoffs, end of story. They are currently on a 1 game winning streak which is a streak in the right direction. Big series against the Sox starting, first since the playoff debacle of 2007. That still makes me sad on the inside. That and the fact that they are 1-4 against left handed pitchers. Not a good sign..but they are 2-1 in one run games. Neither of which are large enough statistical samples for any significance, but numbers are numbers.

The Cubs are doing well, but the Brewers and Cards are doing better. We are going to a game Wednesday and, dare I say it, they are undefeated with me in the stands. If they lose this one, I will know whose fault it is. He has two thumbs and is typing right now...this guy.

I passed my test (70-526) and am taking the next one shortly (70-529) If I pass the next one, I will only have 2 to go before I am MCPD-EA. All that means is that I am 3 tests from being done with tests until Microsoft releases .NET 3.5 versions and I get to start all over again :(

I joined an interesting social construct known as a guild on World of Warcraft. We killed Magtheridon last night which was a blast. The way that it works is that you have to kill 5 guys chanelling this giant dragon looking thing and when each one dies, the remaining ones hit harder. After all 5 are dead, every so often the dragon will cast a spell and 5 people in the group have to click the cubes at the exact same time in order to stop the spell or everyone will die. We failed miserably last week since the cube clickers kept dying or not clicking at the right time. This time we died the first time and then beat him the second time. It's always fun to devote 3+ hours of your life to killing pixels (way more than that, all told) but there is something about banding together with 24 other people to do something that makes it really fun. We talk via VOIP throughout the fight and sometimes we are serious (CLICK THE CUBE NOW!!) and other times we talk about our wives, jobs, lives, etc. So far there hasn't been too much drama, but when you put 40+ people of various ages, sexes, races, accents, etc together there is always something going on.

Here's a quick link for you, one of the most horrible and yet hillarious tatoos I have ever seen:
http://www.asylum.com/gallery/ink-that-stinks/481203/

Randomness

2008-03-04T09:19:00.000-08:00

First of all, this is nuts. Nuts and awesome. Awesome because I can't wait until there is no more pain and suffering in the world so I can experience the world in the way God intended it to be. I can't even imagine how amazing that must feel but the possibility of death or serious injury keeps me from doing all the psychotic things I would love to do. I can't even imagine what it will be like when the kingdom comes and the will is done but one of the first things I do will be to gather a group of people that I've known and loved and go zooming around in a wingsuit.

Secondly, Linkin Park's "new" album is amazing. It still remains the last CD I actually purchased (granted it was for someone else, but I paid for it) and every time I listen to it I cannot help but be grateful for music. I'm a Republican, but if you read my Ron Paul article, you will find that I'm not the biggest fan of Bush. Not that he's a moron or a horrible person or whatever, he's just a man who made a mistake and is too stubborn to admit it. I'm not sure about Linkin Park's stance on Christianity, but they seem to be heading in the right direction. Anyone who says "..let mercy come and wash away what I’ve done" has at least an academic understaning of grace. I don't care if it's person to person grace or person to Christ grace, to be in a place where you can understand the concept of grace and mercy cleansing mistakes is a good place to be. A lot of Christians don't even get that.

Next, South Park is just plain genius. I remember trying to watch it with my parents on Comedy Central when I was in 8th grade and failing miserably at convincing them how awesome it was. This episode was hillarious and true as was this. Some episodes are definitely not good, crass, and rude, but some are pure genius. This is one of my favorites of all time.

Finally, work is going fairly well. I recently moved up in the world and am no longer the low man on the totem pole. Now I'm the second lowest. My project is over and I'm working on studying for my certification and just finished development on a project in Silverlight. Fun times.

I'm playing World of Warcraft a lot now a days. It's killing the dead time between the World Series and Opening Day. I don't know how commited I will be once the season starts, but for now, I'm having a lot of fun.

Mwa ha ha

2007-12-18T12:03:00.000-08:00

Perfect definition of Nate humor.

Letter to Ron Paul

2007-12-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote this letter to Ron Paul (http://www.ronpaul2008.com/). What I would like is some:

1) Feedback as to the validity and logic of my arguments
2) Any grammatical and/or spelling issues
3) Your overall opinion

I am going to send this letter before too long, I just want to let everyone proof read it (mainly my mom :) ) so that I don't sound like a moron.

Thanks.

PS Yes I am still very influenced in my thinking by Ayn Rand.

Dr. Paul,

I am a Christian and grew up in a church pastored by my father. I always looked up to him as an intelligent man of faith. During the years George H.W. Bush was President I remember many people in the congregation having difficulties making ends meet as the tax cuts for the upper class did not trickle down to the lower classes. I remember vividly the election of 1992 and waiting up with my dad as the results were tallied. I was 9 years old in 1992 and had no idea what was happening only that a “good guy” was winning and the “bad guy” was losing. I was overjoyed when, in my mind, the GI Joes beat Cobra.

In 1996 the same thing occurred, the only difference being that I was 13 and understood the process by which Presidents were elected and some of the politics that went alongside the election, making one person “better” than the other. The only issue in my mind, however, was to choose the same guy my dad did because I could never defeat him in an argument and he always picked the “right” guy.

A funny thing happened between 1996 and 2000. Not only did I stop believing that my dad was always right, but I began to date a girl whose father was the most conservative Republican I had ever met. These two people profoundly influenced my thoughts and decisions right through the election in 2000. I became a Republican the first time I had a serious talk with my girlfriend’s dad about politics. For him, the only issues were faith based. George Bush was a Christian, a Baptist no less, and Al Gore was, in his words “The Antichrist.”

Needless to say, I was not going to side with the Antichrist so I staunchly defended Bush in front of my parents and siblings even though my parents were the only ones in the house old enough to vote. I was 17 in 2000 and had finally become a Republican.

I consider myself an intelligent individual and as such I decided that Gore was not the Antichrist, since the Antichrist would have won the election, attempted to brand all of us with the Mark of the Beast, and martyred me as a supporter of the God and the Republicans. I was not, however, willing to admit defeat to my four younger sisters and my two highly educated parents let alone start that argument with my fire and brimstone "in-laws".

Thankfully, while I was dealing with these issues, my girlfriend and I parted ways and I was free to think about considering myself a Democrat without immediately being thrown into the fiery pits of Hades.

Another relationship soon started and this girl was also a Republican and a Christian, as were her parents, but they were Reagan Republicans believing that the Republicans had saved the country during the years of 1980-1992 and that Clinton had merely reaped the benefits of Reagan’s amazing ideas. Laissez-faire economics, the trickledown theory, the fall of the Berlin Wall, and many other nuggets of Republican theory and propoganda were pumped into my brain.

Fortunately, having dealt with crazy Republicans in the past, I knew better than to adapt their ideas for my own and decided to do my own research. What I found was a morass of political speak with little to no actual politics. What I realized was that most people were affiliated with one party or another based on one or two personal experiences.

This realization led me to seek out the foundation of both the Republican and the Democratic Party and why they believe what they believe. What I realized was that the difference goes all the way back to, and was the cause of, the Civil War. The South believed in the right of states to govern themselves, to make decisions that were best for their state. The North believed that a strong and central national government was the only way for a true nation to function. I apologize for this brief history lesson, but most people think that the war was about slavery, which it never was, and the struggles of the Blacks after the Civil War show just how little it had to do with civil liberties.

Currently, Republicans are the south and the Democrats are the north, at least theoretically. While I cannot comment on the politics of the first Bush, Reagan, or Clinton since I had no vested interest in their presidencies; I can, however, comment on Bush the second.

He is not a Republican. No true Republican would ever usurp the power of Congress in order to declare a war on a foreign nation. No true Republican would ever increase the power of the national government to a point where state, let alone individual, rights and privileges are not taken into consideration in foreign, fiscal, or educational policy. I am a Republican because I believe that the more levels of abstraction you have between an individual and the person making decisions on their behalf, the less those decisions take into consideration the feelings of the people and the more muddied the waters become with lobbyists. I also strongly support laissez-faire almost everything. Centralized power is an anathema to every true Republican. George W. Bush is not a Republican.

I am writing this letter because you are the first person that I have ever seen who kind of says what the Republican Party believes and this makes me proud. You do not, however, follow a true laissez-faire Republican government, which is the other reason for this letter.

I do not agree with your treatment of immigrants since a true laissez-faire Republican economy would allow any immigrant to enter the country and make a living and live out the American Dream, much like all of our ancestors did at one time or another. Social services for immigrants should be available to all. The poor of the world are just as poor, if not more so, than the poor of the United States and we should not discriminate based on their parentage.

I also vehemently disagree with your treatment of Social Security. I believe that the demise of the family and the poor quality of life for senior citizens is because of Social Security not because the system is broken. Senior citizens deserve to be taken care of and should be taken care of by first themselves, then their families, and finally the government. The demise of the family structure in America today is because we take our elderly, warehouse them, and wait for them to die. The policy that I believe is the most just is to discontinue Social Security all together and to envelop the poor elderly into the exact same bracket as the poor single mother. After all, the only difference is age. Too many Americans think that Social Security is their retirement; the phasing out of Social Security in favor of a private retirement plan should be the priority of any true Republican.

I also believe that the public school funding needs to be phased out in favor of vouchers for every student. Bad public schools would not have any students because no students would choose to attend the school. Privatization of every school would increase the quality of life for every student since schools would be competing for the vouchers of students in the area. Non-state funded colleges and universities continue to be the best institutions of higher learning in the world. Remove funding for state schools so that their mediocrity would not be allowed to continue freeing up that money for scholarships to the most promising students to any university. That way promising poor students could attend Harvard for the same price as their nearest state school. The state schools would then be forced to increase the quality of education or decrease prices in order to offer an alternative.

Competition breeds excellence. That is why America is the strongest nation in the world. Unless Republicans continue to foster an environment of competition like they are supposed to do, America will continue to fall further and further behind other nations in terms of quality.
It is my belief, as a Christian, that everyone is worthwhile and everyone has immeasurable abilities. What we need to do as a nation is to foster those abilities. The people in the US who are lazy, in a just system, would reap the rewards of laziness and the people who work, no matter how intelligent they are, will reap the rewards of work.

There is another person, who is my hero, who said those exact words about reaping and sowing and also about laziness and work: Jesus Christ. It is time that Republicans began acting like Republicans and stop name dropping Christianity since Republicans and Christians are doing a disservice to each other by allowing lazy politics to take the place of actual thought.

Sincerely,
Nathaniel Noonen

Winter Meetings

2007-12-05T11:47:00.000-08:00

For those of you who do not know, the baseball winter meetings are going on right now. Pretty much what that means is that teams who spend tons of money buy great players and teams that develop great players do nothing while their fans cry.

Today the Tigers traded 6 players for Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis. Now, the Indians could have made a move like that, but they would have gotten rid of great prospects and I understand not putting all of your eggs in one basket. If Dontrelle tears a tendon in his middle finger playing Guitar Hero, there goes that great trade.

The flip side is that teams like the Tigers, Angels, Red Sox, Yankees, Mets, and Cubs continue to purchase the big ticket players while the Indians develop in house. Just once I would like to get a quality established big league player in a deal or via free agent signing. Granted most of the current roster came from trades where the Tribe shipped off guys like Bartolo Colon for a few prospects (Grady Sizemore, Clifford Lee, and some other guys) and I do NOT want to sacrifice the future for a current player. Gone are the rebuilding years.

What I would like to see is a high profile free agent signing. Alex Rodriguez is out of the question, not only do I not like him, but he's too expensive, not worth it, a tool, and a bad man. I would, however, love to see this:

Indians acquire FA Andruw Jones for $16 million/year. With bonuses, the salary could reach $18 million.

Here is my argument:
1) The Tribe needs a right handed power hitter with plate discipline.
2) The Tribe needs a mentor and a quality individual to teach the younger guys how to behave and deal with the major leagues (one of the many reasons A-Rod would not be a good pickup)
3) The Tribe needs an established right OR left fielder.
4) If he gets hurt, they have guys waiting in the wings.
5) He's getting older and would have just as many highlight reel catches in left or right without the grind of center.
6) He is playoff tested, consistent, deals very well with slumps, is intelligent, a family man, and a great guy.
7) This would free up a trade for a good 3B while shipping out some of the outfield depth. Possibly a deal with the Angels for Chone Figgins. As much as I love Casey Blake, he is a utility player not an every day third baseman and Chone would fit nicely into the mix of guys who are willing to do anything to win and who can play multiple positions. The Angels can either have Ben Francisco or Franklin Guttierez and a pitcher (Cliff Lee, Sowers, or Miller).

So here is my prospective depth chart:

1. Sizemore CF
2. Figgins 3B
3. Jones LF
4. Hafner DH
5. Martinez C
6. Garko 1B
7. Peralta SS
8. Cabrera 2B
9. Guttierez (or Francisco) RF

Then for subs you have Jones who can play CF and give Grady a day off putting Blake in LF, you can put Figgins in the OF and give Barfield a start at second and move Cabrera to SS and Peralta gets a day off. Or you can move Cabrera to 2B, Peralta to 3B, Barfield to 2B and give Chone the day off. Or you can just do a swap, Blake for Jones, Blake for Chone, Barfield for Cabrera, etc.

Now, the likelyhood that this will actually happen is almost 0%; however, this takes care of the Tribe's needs perfectly. If the Tribe doesn't deal anyone, I hope and pray that Andy Marte and Josh Barfield decide not to suck this year and that someone (Guttierez, Francisco, or Michaels) emerges as a right handed power hitter.

The problem that the Tribe has is that 1-9 they are just a hair above average. 1-25 they are amazing and 1-40 they are probably the best team in baseball. The problem is that in the playoffs, you only need the 1-9 guys to be amazing. The Yankees lost to the Indians because their pitching sucked. Against a team with a quality pitching staff (Red Sox) they just couldn't stack up 1-9 against the Sox. That's the bottom line and until they decide to upgrade one of their 1-9 guys, they will be amazing 1-25 and above average in the playoffs.

Noam was Wrong

2007-11-27T06:42:00.000-08:00

I was on the El a few weeks ago and I was doing what tons of people on the El do, read what other people are reading. This particular person was studying for a psychology test and I found the study sheet she was reading fascinating because it wasn't an intro to Psych class, or maybe it was, but it seemed to be a Psych Communication class based on how people communicate and how the language translates differently for different people.

One of the items on the page was a theory by Noam Chomsky that a sentence in English could be gramatically correct; however, not make logical sense. I agree with that statement if, and only if, context meant nothing and we were taking language and communication not as a sequence of thoughts but as separate chunks.

If I came up to you and said "The error with the SQL delete statement has to do with a foreign key constraint in T_UDP" unless you were a developer you would have no idea what I was talking about and may think I was speaking gibberish.

My dad is a master at using his extensive knowledge of vocablary to obfuscate a meaningless sentence into something meaningful simply because the listener has no idea what he is saying and refuses to admit it.

I believe that this combination of opposite functions of the English language leads to the point where every gramatically correct sentence, given enough context will make sense. The example in the packet was something like "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously." The first thought I had, and this is the one that has refused to leave me, is that the sentence makes perfect sense when contained within some context. Everything can be a metaphor, you just need the right base.

the El, or 'L' if you want to ANGER my wife,
is a place where everyone is an isolationist extrovert
crew cut leathery hispanic
blasting his white noise through earbuds
sitting next to
damenite yuppie starbucks fiend
blasting her white noise through earbuds
sitting across from
seventeen year old OG with a teardrop tatoo
concentrating deeply on looking confident
without making
his girlfriend/baby/darling
realize he told his buddy she's his bitch/ho/booty call
and figure out that OG doesn't mean Original Gangsta
but Ordinary Gentleman

the cta is a pile of manure
off of which mushrooms of thought proliferate
and the bacteria grows
with each stand clear of the closing doors
i recieve an invitation
'Messrs Clark and Lake request your presence
at a gala event attended by doctors, lawyers,
and those praying for a green card'
these thoughts must be put to bed
until they return to fertile soil
and my
colorless green ideas sleep furiously
while i attempt to work

Myers Briggs

2007-10-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

In High School I took a personality test and it told me that I was an ENTP. There, however, was a problem with the way that I took the test. I felt, in my infinite wisdom, that introverts had no friends. That did not seem to fit the role that I had defined for myself as a freshman, so I looked at the questions, figured out what the metrics were and how my answers fit me into a profile and manipulated the results to fit how I saw myself.

Up until about a year ago I would have classified myself as an extrovert. That was a miscalculation of epic proportions. I am, without a doubt, an introvert and proud of it. Kimmy has taught me that. So, with my new self realization I decided to take a Myers Briggs test again and this time answer based on my actual tendencies as opposed to how I perceive myself or how I think I should act.

I am, and I can say this with confidence, an INTP. After doing some research I have found that the following quotes taken from http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html fit me fairly well:

- see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into.
- live in the world of theoretical possibilities.
- do not like to lead or control people.
- shy when it comes to meeting new people.
- very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.
- their well thought-out understanding of an idea may not be easily understandable by others, but they are not naturally likely to tailor the truth so as to explain it in an understandable way to others.
- exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately.
- intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem with has piqued their interest.
- may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion (see the humbility article)
- very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged.
- if they do not realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, they may become overly critical and sarcastic with others.
- at their best when they can work on their theories independently

I was born like this. Any of the traits that do not apply to me can be attributed to, in this order, God, Kimmy, my family, my friends, baseball, and pharmacotherapy. The combination of all 6 has made me the man I am today.

Albums EVERYONE should own

2007-10-03T12:34:00.001-07:00

In my mind there is a distinction between an album and a CD. A CD is a physical object, something created by a machine that contains some semblance of music. Quality of music can be debated etc.

Albums, on the other hand, are masterpiece CDs. Things that are so amazing that they cannot possibly be lumped in together with other music CDs and are almost transcendent in their quality. This list is not debatable, since anyone with an iota of music taste will agree with me on their quality, whether or not they agree as to their universal appeal is a fact to be debated. These are masterpieces and in no particular order.

1) Rage Against the Machine - Self Titled
2) Sufjan Stevens - Come On Feel the Illinoise!
3) Cake - Fashion Nugget
4) Rolling Stones - Let It Bleed
5) Public Enemy - It Takes A Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
6) The Beatles - White Album
7) Metallica - The Black Album
8) DC Talk - Jesus Freak
9) The Clash - London Calling
10) Elton John - Madman Across the Water
11) Lauryn Hill - Unplugged
12) Nirvana - Nevermind
13) System of a Down - Toxicity
14) Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
15) Dr. Dre - The Chronic (2001)
16) Sublime - Self Titled
17) AC/DC - Live
18) Black Sabbath - We Sold Our Soul For Rock and Roll
19) Beck - Odelay
20) Stevie Wonder - Innervisions

I may add more, but 20 seems like a good round number. Happy Shopping :)

I am a Levitical Socialist Objectivist Christian

2007-10-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

I finished Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand a few weeks ago and I have finally figured out what it is about the book that fits in with my views of humanity, Christianity, and the world in which we live.

1) I believe that adding value to humanity is the highest goal a person can attain and that when one does add value to humanity, one is truly operating in the image of God.

2) I believe that it is every human's responsibility to create value in one way or another. That the creation of value does not show in our bank accounts but through the productiveness of the mind, spirit, and body that God gave to us. We are stewards of said attributes, and as stewards it is our obligation to use our mind, body, and spirit to further the cause of ourself and those around us.

3) I believe that God created every human being with the ability to create value in one way or another. There are no social parasites in the Kingdom of God because people who do not have the mental capacity to be productive add value through their display of Godly virtues. The giving and receiving of love, laughter, and care adds just as much value as does the production of a car. Money is only one of the forms of value.

4) I believe that the even trading of value for value is the way that our world will operate in the Kingdom of God. Imagine the freedom in knowing that to show someone respect was to gain it yourself or to show love was to receive it. Knowing that love was a commodity to be purchased, not callously, but actually being able to percieve the transfer of love from a homeless man when you gave him $20 or a hug.

5) I believe that the fallen nature of man has devalued all virtues other than the one that we have the specific ability to produce. One man is intelligent and sees people of lower intelligence as worth less. Another man is generous and sees people who are not generous as worth less. The monetary emphasis in our culture today is a direct result of the people in power having money. In the middle ages it was land and people could be classified into castes based on their land ownership. When Christ comes, all of these values will be equal. Having a high amount of money will be worth no more and no less than having a high amount of love. Rich men have a problem entering the Kingdom because they are unwilling to see their money as an equal to another's love.

Let me know what you think and/or if you think this is a crock.

We the winners!!!

2007-09-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

We just won another delivery award on my current project. This is the second one we've won. Here's the writeup, which describes what we've done. Sorry if it's unreadable, I can't reveal the customer in a public place.

"
The Oil Company team just delivered Phase I of the application. The application will be available in nine countries and thirteen languages. The team took over the code base from a competitor, migrated the code from .NET 1.1 to .NET 2.0, added new functionality, and improved performance dramatically.

The Avanade team worked on a code base in parallel with our competitor. In the end, Avanade’s code base was selected over the competitor’s to go to production due to overall dominance in the performance capability. Our code base was able to handle 14x more users per server than the competition.

In addition, the Avanade team was awarded development for the next phase of the project which will add an additional 25,000 users to the existing 8,000 user base. The USDC team also delivered new technical design documentation for seven sub modules within a very tight timeframe and the USDC team has begun development on this next phase.

One of the project’s biggest challenges for the USDC team was consistent communication from the customer. The team was able to deliver successfully on Phase I without proper documentation, poor requirements, and lack of communication from the customer. The team also spent considerable amounts of time redoing poor documentation created by the customer. Even with all the hurdles, Avanade is on track to deliver the next phase of the project on time.
"

To paraphrase American Beauty "We Rule"

Humbility

2007-09-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

Humbility (n.) - The act of humbling oneself the way God intended us to be humble.
Humbleness (n.) - Humbling oneself
Humbilosity (n.) - Fake humbleness
Humbiliousness (n.) - Extreme humbilosity

I have struggled with humbling myself in my life. I am immensely proud of the gifts that God has given me and I love to use them, however, humbilosity and humbiliousness come easier to me than humbility.

I think that the reason for this is the fact that in my mind to be proud of one's accomplishments is to not have humbility so I easily oscillate between opposite extremes: pride and humbiliousness. God, through baseball, has taught me a valuable lesson via a man I like to call my hero, Casey Blake.

Casey Blake puttered around the minors for many many years finally getting called up to the Indians for good in 2004. In 2005 he sucked, flat out. If the game was on the line, you might as well start quoting "Casey At The Bat" where the Mighty Casey strikes out with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th with 2 out. In 2006 he busted out and became my hero after I watched him destroy the Orioles singlehandedly as I lay in the ER. Casey Blake, the phoenix, taught me that it was possible to rise from the ashes.

This year Casey hit 2 walk off home runs in 4 days. Walk off means that once he hit it, the game was over, Indians win. The baseball equivalent of the Hail Mary. After he hit his second, he rounded the bases triumphantly pumping his fist and "woo hoo"ing his way around the bases. A happy man who had just defeated the rival Tigers in the 11th inning.

The next day he apologized to the Tigers for his display saying that he did not mean to show them up or to disrespect their team with his actions. Casey was proud of his actions and celebrated accordingly but did not forget that there were people around him who may have taken offense to his reaction. Jim Leyland, the Tigers' manager, said that the apology was unnecessary because of the quality of Casey's character and the fact that he was celebrating a joyous occasion. Casey Blake, the man, taught me about humbility.

Humbility is the act of being proud of accomplishments but not gloating about them in a way that may make others feel inferior. In other words, if your boasting runs roughshod over other's accomplishments then it is not good, because you are telling God that His gifts to another are worthless. On the other hand, if your humble feelings detract from the value of the accomplishments God has allowed you to make, you are effectily telling Him that His gifts to you are worthless.

The world appreciates humbiliousness, God is after humbility.

Post the first

2007-09-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

I decided to switch from Xanga to blogger because xanga seems...college. Not that I'm a huge fan of blogging in general, it just seems to have more of a ring to it. I would like for this to be a more professional version of my former love. Xanga still holds a spot in my life, but I could not seem to break the feeling that I was still writing as a sophomore in college.

Anyway, last week at small group we had a discussion on what our passions are and where we find our value. I have many passions most of which are listed in the title above, the main omission being my wife. I realized that of all of my passions, none of them give me value. I have struggled with the extremes of valuing myself too high because of my abilities and too low because of my faults but I do not think I struggle with it anymore.

Let me explain. Value is a comparison of worth. Either I am valued meaning I am worth more than I expect to be worth or I am not valued meaning I am worth less (not worthless). When I think of the value of myself, I cannot define a value for myself without comparing myself to either me yesterday or another human being. Since I could not define a value for myself in the past since Christ has already said that I am immensely valuable as is everyone else, the only way to assign a value to myself would be to tear down my self of the past or to tear down the value of another.

Neither of these seem to be a viable option so I am left with a conundrum when answering questions like that. Do I truly 'gain value' by realizing that I am a child of God? That thought at this point of my life is null since it is the same question as whether or not I 'gain value' realizing that I am a man or that I have freckles. None of these are things that I can change.

I believe that the only time that I gain value from being a child of God is when I feel not valued by being something else. For instance when I am made fun of for being a Michigan fan, I realize that my value from being a child of God far outweighs any loss of value I would have for being a fan of a team that is 1 and 2.

I had a very difficult time explaining this at group because I hadn't ever thought about it. My value is something that I do not wish to think about. I am content with my existence without thinking that I 'need' value. I don't need anything but the grace of God (My Grace is sufficient for you, My Power is made perfect in your weakness) and since I've already got that, I try not to think about anything else. It is hard enough for me to get the sufficiency of Grace and intrinsically loved child of God things through my skull, let alone trying to figure out what my supposed value is and what brings it up and down.

This is where I am right now. Whether this is a continual place of growth or an area that God has completed His work in is yet to be discovered and I'm perfectly fine with that.