I decided to switch from Xanga to blogger because xanga seems...college. Not that I'm a huge fan of blogging in general, it just seems to have more of a ring to it. I would like for this to be a more professional version of my former love. Xanga still holds a spot in my life, but I could not seem to break the feeling that I was still writing as a sophomore in college.
Anyway, last week at small group we had a discussion on what our passions are and where we find our value. I have many passions most of which are listed in the title above, the main omission being my wife. I realized that of all of my passions, none of them give me value. I have struggled with the extremes of valuing myself too high because of my abilities and too low because of my faults but I do not think I struggle with it anymore.
Let me explain. Value is a comparison of worth. Either I am valued meaning I am worth more than I expect to be worth or I am not valued meaning I am worth less (not worthless). When I think of the value of myself, I cannot define a value for myself without comparing myself to either me yesterday or another human being. Since I could not define a value for myself in the past since Christ has already said that I am immensely valuable as is everyone else, the only way to assign a value to myself would be to tear down my self of the past or to tear down the value of another.
Neither of these seem to be a viable option so I am left with a conundrum when answering questions like that. Do I truly 'gain value' by realizing that I am a child of God? That thought at this point of my life is null since it is the same question as whether or not I 'gain value' realizing that I am a man or that I have freckles. None of these are things that I can change.
I believe that the only time that I gain value from being a child of God is when I feel not valued by being something else. For instance when I am made fun of for being a Michigan fan, I realize that my value from being a child of God far outweighs any loss of value I would have for being a fan of a team that is 1 and 2.
I had a very difficult time explaining this at group because I hadn't ever thought about it. My value is something that I do not wish to think about. I am content with my existence without thinking that I 'need' value. I don't need anything but the grace of God (My Grace is sufficient for you, My Power is made perfect in your weakness) and since I've already got that, I try not to think about anything else. It is hard enough for me to get the sufficiency of Grace and intrinsically loved child of God things through my skull, let alone trying to figure out what my supposed value is and what brings it up and down.
This is where I am right now. Whether this is a continual place of growth or an area that God has completed His work in is yet to be discovered and I'm perfectly fine with that.
2 comments:
I'm glad you posted this. Seth and I have had several conversations about this very subject, and as usual he seems to be much more wise in this area than I am. Value is something I struggle with as well, and I share your place of not necessarily feeling like I need to worry about it - that is, until I find myself in a place where I really feel alone and need to feel like I am loved and/or valued by someone.
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